Post by allaboutme on Mar 19, 2009 17:10:15 GMT -5
I'm a 35 year old HAPPILY married woman. I'm a born Muslim and moved to the US when I was 10 years old. I have over 55+ cousins and 15 uncles and aunts (all live outside of the US- thank god!). I come from a culture, religion & tradition with VERY STRONG BELIEVES in having children, with absolutely no exceptions. All the women in my mothers era had kids, as it was never a choice or an option.
It's just what you did /do!
About 99.5% of the women from our country get married before the age of 25 and have children within 1 year of marriage, maybe a little later with the newer generation here in the states. My aunt had an arranged marriage at 16, to a man in his 40's and had 12 kids children.
..With that said, now, you get an idea as to the type of culture I was brought up in and some of the old believes that have been embedded in me, which I'm slowly breaking away from.
So, what's happened to me you ask? Well, I feel that I'm my own person, living in the year '2009' and I have choices, sister!
I've been married to my Italian/American for 4 years and did mention to him before marriage that I may not be interested in having children. I constantly reminding him of how lucky he is to have a beautiful wife, who hasn't made his life miserable by giving him babies and turning BITCHY, FAT and never giving him attention or sex!
I also remind him that he can have any nice car, watches, diamonds for me
or vacation he wants, cause we DON'T have college or diapers to worry about and we deserve it- our money and we spend it on ourselves, whichever way it makes us happy. We dine out about 4 times a week, because I feel that if we had children, that's the money that would be going toward them. ..
***We feel that we are enough for one another, and don't need a third party to fill any voids****
I continue to remind my husband- -only pointing out true facts- about how difficult it would be to raise a baby, take responsibility in teaching another human being about life, constant worrying, financially & mentally draining, and just having another responsibility, period (amongst a million other negatives). Besides the fact that kids now a days are a liability, not an asset.
Although, naturally I do once in a blue moon see a mom and get all emotional and wonder, but quickly realize that ' my life is GREAT with lots of FREEDOM! I guess almost anyone can pop a baby out, it's not that difficult, is it now?
Every so often, I check in with my hubby to see how his life is going and if he's happy with me, himself and what I can do to be a better partner for him. I feel that's the key to a good marriage-- to communicate and ask..
I feel that if he wakes up one day and wants kids, then he has to make the choice, and whether it's worth it or not? Leaving me (for the unknown), and risking MAYBE being happy to peruse kids with someone else? Or, having the GUARANTEE of being happy with me and living a fulfilled life where we truly 'live it up'! He's smart and I'm sure he'll know the answer
When I do get asked 'whether we will have kids or 'not', and recently by my MIL-- my answer is as follows: 'why' or, 'when we run out of better things to do' or ' they cramp my style' (to my younger friends), and everyone else-- 'we are not eager to be parents, nor do we want to take up the responsibility'. It usually makes them think and wonder..hmmm, that's pretty logical, then why did I have them? Or, if they are being persistent, I just say 'make me a list of 10 logical reasons why I should'.
I've also partially convinced my parents that times have changed and life doesn't have to be in a particular order, getting married, then kids, and so forth. Kids now a days are not how we used to be; good listeners, kind, and respectful, etc., etc. I also remind them that they should just be happy that my life is good (and that I can share the wealth $$ with them) and I'm in a good place-- isn't that all parents want from their children? But, no matter what, they were raised with different believes in a different part of the world and will, at times, pressure me. I remember a recent conversation between my father and a girlfriend of mine, where my father saying ' a man will leave you, if you don't give him kids'. I thought that was hilarious! Fine, then they can leave, because that will be more of a reason to upgrade
I've also decided that since I won't have my own children, that I would be willing to contribute, financially, toward my niece and nephews college fund. That would give me more joy! I love those kids.
Do yourself a favor and stay TRUE to yourself, as men, kids, jobs, money can/will come and go, but at the end of the day, you have to be happy with your decision and who you are and have become!
Don't let old believes, religion, culture, parents, society, friends and especially family, tell you how to live your life, cause I guarantee theirs isn't that great! Otherwise, they wouldn't make stupid suggestions. That's why you never run into a happy child free couple who tells you to have kids, it's always the unhappy parents.
In the long run, all those people will learn to respect you for your clarity and strength in standing by your grounds.
I feel free and so much peace with my decision and wish the same feeling to all my girlfriends and any confused women on the fence. Just listen to your heart and if you even hesitate for a second, then don't do it. Motherhood I'm sure is a wonderful thing, but not for everyone and too many women out there who shouldn't have/ no business to do so.
Life without kids is not the end, BUT a beginning to focus & learn about ones self, evolve, and to truly live life to it's fullest.
Because damn it 'I love you' but I love myself more' (when Samantha breaks up with her man- from the sex and the city movie). I love it!
It's just what you did /do!
About 99.5% of the women from our country get married before the age of 25 and have children within 1 year of marriage, maybe a little later with the newer generation here in the states. My aunt had an arranged marriage at 16, to a man in his 40's and had 12 kids children.
..With that said, now, you get an idea as to the type of culture I was brought up in and some of the old believes that have been embedded in me, which I'm slowly breaking away from.
So, what's happened to me you ask? Well, I feel that I'm my own person, living in the year '2009' and I have choices, sister!
I've been married to my Italian/American for 4 years and did mention to him before marriage that I may not be interested in having children. I constantly reminding him of how lucky he is to have a beautiful wife, who hasn't made his life miserable by giving him babies and turning BITCHY, FAT and never giving him attention or sex!
I also remind him that he can have any nice car, watches, diamonds for me
or vacation he wants, cause we DON'T have college or diapers to worry about and we deserve it- our money and we spend it on ourselves, whichever way it makes us happy. We dine out about 4 times a week, because I feel that if we had children, that's the money that would be going toward them. .. ***We feel that we are enough for one another, and don't need a third party to fill any voids****
I continue to remind my husband- -only pointing out true facts- about how difficult it would be to raise a baby, take responsibility in teaching another human being about life, constant worrying, financially & mentally draining, and just having another responsibility, period (amongst a million other negatives). Besides the fact that kids now a days are a liability, not an asset.
Although, naturally I do once in a blue moon see a mom and get all emotional and wonder, but quickly realize that ' my life is GREAT with lots of FREEDOM! I guess almost anyone can pop a baby out, it's not that difficult, is it now?
Every so often, I check in with my hubby to see how his life is going and if he's happy with me, himself and what I can do to be a better partner for him. I feel that's the key to a good marriage-- to communicate and ask..
I feel that if he wakes up one day and wants kids, then he has to make the choice, and whether it's worth it or not? Leaving me (for the unknown), and risking MAYBE being happy to peruse kids with someone else? Or, having the GUARANTEE of being happy with me and living a fulfilled life where we truly 'live it up'! He's smart and I'm sure he'll know the answer
When I do get asked 'whether we will have kids or 'not', and recently by my MIL-- my answer is as follows: 'why' or, 'when we run out of better things to do' or ' they cramp my style' (to my younger friends), and everyone else-- 'we are not eager to be parents, nor do we want to take up the responsibility'. It usually makes them think and wonder..hmmm, that's pretty logical, then why did I have them? Or, if they are being persistent, I just say 'make me a list of 10 logical reasons why I should'.
I've also partially convinced my parents that times have changed and life doesn't have to be in a particular order, getting married, then kids, and so forth. Kids now a days are not how we used to be; good listeners, kind, and respectful, etc., etc. I also remind them that they should just be happy that my life is good (and that I can share the wealth $$ with them) and I'm in a good place-- isn't that all parents want from their children? But, no matter what, they were raised with different believes in a different part of the world and will, at times, pressure me. I remember a recent conversation between my father and a girlfriend of mine, where my father saying ' a man will leave you, if you don't give him kids'. I thought that was hilarious! Fine, then they can leave, because that will be more of a reason to upgrade
I've also decided that since I won't have my own children, that I would be willing to contribute, financially, toward my niece and nephews college fund. That would give me more joy! I love those kids.
Do yourself a favor and stay TRUE to yourself, as men, kids, jobs, money can/will come and go, but at the end of the day, you have to be happy with your decision and who you are and have become!
Don't let old believes, religion, culture, parents, society, friends and especially family, tell you how to live your life, cause I guarantee theirs isn't that great! Otherwise, they wouldn't make stupid suggestions. That's why you never run into a happy child free couple who tells you to have kids, it's always the unhappy parents.
In the long run, all those people will learn to respect you for your clarity and strength in standing by your grounds.
I feel free and so much peace with my decision and wish the same feeling to all my girlfriends and any confused women on the fence. Just listen to your heart and if you even hesitate for a second, then don't do it. Motherhood I'm sure is a wonderful thing, but not for everyone and too many women out there who shouldn't have/ no business to do so.
Life without kids is not the end, BUT a beginning to focus & learn about ones self, evolve, and to truly live life to it's fullest.
Because damn it 'I love you' but I love myself more' (when Samantha breaks up with her man- from the sex and the city movie). I love it!
