Free range parenting

[cnu5000]

Hi-Here is a link about how children are more supervised nowadays than they were when I was growing up in the sixties and seventies.
www.webmd.com/parenting/features/free-range-parenting

However, I think in part what makes children more supervised than when I was growing up is that fact that people don't know their neighbors anymore. When I went door-to-door by myself when I was little the neighbors knew each other and now they don't and don't seem to want to get involved in each others affairs.

[danisty]

Aug 12, 2009 6:21:48 GMT -5 cnu5000 said:

However, I think in part what makes children more supervised than when I was growing up is that fact that people don't know their neighbors anymore. When I went door-to-door by myself when I was little the neighbors knew each other and now they don't and don't seem to want to get involved in each others affairs.

This is true. I've never wanted anything to do with any of my neighbors. I don't know the names of anyone that lives on my street and I've been here for 8 months. When we had our own place in Savannah for 5 years, I only knew the names of my direct neighbors to the right and left and I only spoke to them on rare occasions. I don't want to be bothered by my neighbors and I definitely don't want to be bothered by my neighbors' children.

[preraph]

I am kind of a crime buff and have read extensively for decades about criminal personality and crime patterns. I just have a few points to add on the subject.

First of all, just because you know your neighbors doesn't mean you know if one is a pedophile (or serial killer, for that matter). This level of criminal is very adept at concealing. A certain percentage of serious violent criminals are sociopaths, which means they have no conscience, and they actually grow up with the knowledge that others have empathy and they don't, and they often learn to cover up their deficit with charm and acting normal. In other words, they have a lot of practice at being con artists. Add that to the common sense that this is the last thing you would want to tell anyone, and you just have to accept that you really don't "know" your neighbors at all.

It's a fact that at least 80 percent of all child-directed violence/rape/molestation isn't done by strangers who stalk children who are on their way to the mall alone but in their own home by their own family, step-family, in-laws, siblings, babysitters, teachers, coaches, pastors and youth counselors, and by acquaintances of the family who the parents have purposefully invited into their lives to exchange play dates or socialize with. In my opinion, it is human nature for people to look for a rationalization that will tell them "this won't happen to me because..." so they WANT to believe that by overprotecting their children by only leaving them alone with family and friends, that this won't happen to them. But that is simply unfounded propaganda.

The more people they are left with and meet, the greater the potential of running across a bad one. Compared to when I grew up, any given American child is exposed to MANY more adults than ever before now that they are pushed into multiple sports and after-school activities and a nonstop round of play dates so that parents can occasionally take a break or so that the kids have somewhere to go until they get off work. The more adults they're exposed to, the more chance of something bad happening to them. The "closer" and more familiar these people are to the child, the easier it is for them to gain their trust and take advantage of them. The kid would be better off at the mall with strangers because at least there, he will have his antennae up rather than simply do what his play date's dad or coach's assistant tells him to do.

[happy2bchildfree]

Aug 12, 2009 6:21:48 GMT -5 cnu5000 said:

However, I think in part what makes children more supervised than when I was growing up is that fact that people don't know their neighbors anymore. When I went door-to-door by myself when I was little the neighbors knew each other and now they don't and don't seem to want to get involved in each others affairs.

I think that people tended to be a lot more trusting of other people in general and especially of those with who they were acquainted, when I was growing up in the 50s and 60s.

Even though one might know their neighbors they don't really "know" them. It's not like people who are pedophiles or other criminal element are going to be obvious about that fact--they are going to "blend in" with the rest of neighborhood and present themselves as "normal".

[Erin]

We just got to know our neighbors in our new neighborhood once we moved in. We don't know them extensively- just names and a little bit about what they do. One was willing to watch our cat when we were away but we asked someone else. Anyway, I was thinking about how it was growing up where I did in the 80's and I remember neighborhoods being much more involved in crime-stopping, etc. When I was in elementary school we had something called the "blue star program." It's where you displayed a blue star in your front window or door and if a child in the neighborhood was in trouble he or she could run to a "blue star home" and call police, etc. I don't know of any neighborhood that does that anymore. I think a blue star home had to be verified as safe by the local police dept. I can't remember, it was a long time ago. Our neighborhoods were also involved in the DARE program also. I agree that people just don't want to be involved with their neighbors and keep to themselves. When I was a kid I remember my friends' parents looking out for us, just as my mom did if they came over to our house. I just think times have changed.

[cnu5000]

Here I think people work long hours and have long comutes and feel there life is not tied to the neighbhorhood. Also I think when I was growing people were naive. Probablythere were problems in "nice" homes then people realized.

[happy2bchildfree]

Dec 11, 2009 12:29:19 GMT -5 cnu5000 said:

Here I think people work long hours and have long comutes and feel there life is not tied to the neighbhorhood. Also I think when I was growing people were naive. Probablythere were problems in "nice" homes then people realized.

I think another reason is that neighborhoods tend to be a lot more transient now than they were in the past. Years ago, people moved into a neighborhood, put down roots, and stayed for many years. This doesn't happen much anymore, and is another reason people don't tend to get to know each other. Also, people now have much less free time to get to know their neighbors, and are busy with other things.

I agree that people were a lot more naive when I was growing up than they are now. I'm sure problems existed back then just as they do now, but weren't publicized and acknowledged like they are now. I do think that the problems are more prevalent now than they were then, but far from nonexistant like some people choose to believe. I think people simply chose not to see or acknowledge certain things back then.