Do those that are childfree dislike children?

[alphamare]

Please don't get me wrong this is certainly not a why wont you have children you are all selfish post. Really its not.

My husband and I have decided for many reasons not to have children. Not because we cant afford too either. But if we had them we couldn't afford other things like traveling etc.

The thing is, we both like kids (i work with special needs kids) and he always wanted kids, although he now realizes that this was more of an expectation than a want. We both feel broody though. I want kids but i don't want them. And i don't want them for fairly selfless reasons. Like the world is going to heck in a hand basket and there is no way i want to subject a child to that, over population etc.

Is there any one else who feels this way? I know a lot of child free couples never actually wanted kids but was this a hard decision for anyone that actually wanted them but decided for what ever reasons (if you feel like sharing please do) decided not to have them?

i do and i don't like kids. i don't like the way kids these days are going (that makes me sound so old and i am not really) and i don't like what is happening to the world. But although not a huge fan of babies (i got handed a new born the other day and all i could think was with its big eyes it looked like a bug) i am very very good with children. I am good with youngsters and was since i was a kid. I was the big kid that looked out for the little ones. I was everyones favourite babysitter... i think all this is because i relate to children as if they are not children (even i remember how patronizing most adults seemed and how much i loved the ones that treated me like i mattered and wasn't just a stupid kid... so i acted like it)

anyhoo long ramble i also work with children with learning disabilities and challenging behavior. And i am good at it... and i am so glad to go go home and not have to deal with any more noise... we have one boy who is doubly incontinent, non verbal, and a handful because he is noisy personified... no one has to spend more than a certain amount of time with him at one go on a shift because he is that much hard work, i last at least double that without even feeling flustered.

Like i said its a hard decision for us i think i would be a good mom but i think the world is that bad that there is no point. And i like being childfree.

What do you guys think?

[preraph]

To answer your main question, a lot of people on this board like children but don't want to alter their lifestyle to have them. Some of us, myself included, don't hate children but also find them too chaotic to be around for any length of time. And a few of us flat don't like the little buggers, especially the ones whose parents didn't train them!

For all any of us know, we may have only one life. I can't stress how important I think it is for each person to come to know what they most want out of life and to pursue that and make sure they get it, just in case they only go around once. It's not anyone else's decision, whether you have kids or not. It's yours and yours alone.

[happy2bchildfree]

I don't hate children but I'm not fond of them either. I can tolerate being around a few quiet, well-behaved children for short periods of time, and I have found a few kids to be truly enjoyable, but there is no way I would have ever wanted or been able to work with them or or spend long periods of time around them. I don't have the patience or the tolerance.

So in my case, my feelings about children in general had a lot to do with my not wanting to have them.

[alphamare]

yes all that and we would rather have a life than have children.

It makes me sad that we are called selfish for this choice. All the reasons people come up with for having children seem selfish to me.

[happy2bchildfree]

Oct 11, 2009 13:27:11 GMT -5 alphamare said:

yes all that and we would rather have a life than have children.

Yes--due to various circumstances, I was never able to have the life I truly wanted. Life would have just been that much harder if I'd had children.

[danisty]

I don't like children. Even when I was a child, I didn't like other children and deliberately spent most of my time with adults. I think you'll find a lot of child-free people who don't like children simply because the fact that we don't like them makes the child-free choice easier for us.

There is a huge difference between dislike and hate though. I don't want to see any harm come to children. People with kids have a hard time understanding the difference. It's always assumed that since I don't like kids, I'm just a mean, hateful person who wants to see children suffer.

[sage]

^Yep. I think someone who doesn't like children is, in many people's eyes, equivalent to a murderer or something.

Now my dad used to work with this guy who absolutely DETESTED children and really did hate them so much as to hurt them any time he had to interact with them. I remember one time as a kid I answered the phone when he called, and while I was looking for my father around the house I put the phone to my ear to say I couldn't find him only to hear him threatening me. No, I'm not anything like that.

[sweetnsour]

Liking children is one thing, wanting to do parenting is another. These are two exclusive events. There are parents who really do not like kids. Many times they have them just for the sake of having them or they just get caught out there.

There are some kids that I like more than others. I prefer the company of adults but kids add excitement from time to time. I can handle them in small doses. Parenting is a personal choice that shoud be carefully thought about. Many of us childfree have more of an issue with the parents who think that they're entitled to more, such as better hours at work just because they have kids.

I can relate to your emotions because I think that many of us have experienced them. Remember, it is your choice. Personally I enjoy being childfree and like some kids, just as I like some adults. However, liking some kids does not mean that I feel the need to run out and procreate. I hope this helps.

[mck]

I can relate to your post. I always thought I would have kids someday. Before we married we talked about having two-three kids but waiting a while before we did. Circumstances led me to go to school and in December I'll be graduating finally (yeah!). We held off waiting till I was done with school, but within the last year or two, we made a decision not to have any kids. We like the way life is with us and I see all the things other parents go through and I just want to be with my husband and enjoy life together!!

And to answer your question, I do love kids. I do volunteer work with children who are abused, and spend lots of time with our nieces and nephews. But after a day or after the weekend, the two of us have "our" time and I love that too.

The other posts were right - only you can make the decision for what's best for you - good luck!

[mar]

mck ~ Congratulations on a wise choice.

Have a great life. ;D

[cnu5000]

I think there is a difference between liking children and being a parent. Being a parent I have heard is stressful and exhausting.

I have heard some grandparents say it can be much easier to be a grandparent than a parent. When the child gets difficult you hand them to the parent.

I like small children but I am not exposed to children too much for whatever reason.

[Miss Night Owl]

I don't dislike kids in general. But just like with adults, I don't like all of them, which seems perfectly reasonable to me. People tend to have the "you can't truly dislike a kid because if they are acting up, it's their parents fault". Oh sure, that can be a huge factor and can be taken into consideration, but of course we know adults who we don't like and maybe we wouldn't have liked them as kids either. lol

I worked with kids for many years. Not for long hours, though. I was an after school nanny, and only for about 25 hrs a week total. They were in the 6-10 age range, so we could carry on good conversations which I liked. Younger than that and I was bored usually, except in very small doses. So they were excellent kids, VERY intelligent and well behaved and creative. Good parents too. I wouldn't have agreed to work with them if that had not been the case. In fact, often the kids I looked after were smarter and more aware about how to treat people well than many adults I knew. lol

danisty - yes, that's very wrong in my view for anyone to judge a person automatically like that! When I was a kid I often would view other kids as immature, even though they were around my age. They would do such stupid things that I had no interest in.

[cbushin]

I dislike children. I like them to be away from me. I hate hearing them yell "Marco" and "Polo" at pools where I swim and I hate their laughs and noise and games. I hate most things kids do. I want to be as far away from them as possible. I don't get the impression that most childfree people share my sentiments.

[preraph]

A fair amount of childfree at least have moments they hate them. I have them. I stop myself and remind myself that it is the parent's fault for me even NOTICING them and that if they were good parents, they wouldn't let them spoil everyone's peace. True, there are some kids that seem obnoxious in their own right, though. I'd rather not be around them, but occasionally I will like one. I just do not have the constitution to be around them for more than a few minutes though, because they totally disrupt all adult conversation and never shut the **** up.

[happy2bchildfree]

Sept 2, 2010 17:16:58 GMT -5 preraph said:

True, there are some kids that seem obnoxious in their own right, though.

I think most children are obnoxious by nature. Parents are supposed to correct their behavior but too often they don't.

[sage]

Now, last night at work I met a little boy who charmed me. He had a well-worn little toy dog, and that touched me because I'm a huge dog lover and I thought it was nice that he had something he loved so much. I remember as a kid my parents made me sell all my stuffed animals at garage sales, including my beloved Sandy the panda, because they wanted me to know "the value of a dollar". (As an aside, the only thing it ever taught me is that money is worth more than love, and what's worse is that I think they would agree with that.)

So I don't know whether or not it was the kid or the toy dog who attracted me. I just thought it was great he liked dogs, and was able to keep this precious little toy when I had to lose mine. It made me think about all my friends who have some little stuffed animal from their childhoods that's so much love it looks ancient, or that still have their Barbies, or whatever, and I don't have anything from my childhood because I had to either give it away to my dad's coworkers' kids so he could earn PR points or I had to sell it. I remember being upset that things like Sandy had to go, and my parents would say "But see? You've got money instead! Don't you like the money?" and just how betrayed I feel about it now.

So this one little boy I did not mind, but that may be for entirely different reasons, namely that I liked his little toy dog and it brought up emotions inside me.

[preraph]

Man, your parents were hard core! yes, you make kids clear out clutter and donate old toys - but never their favorite. That shows a distinct lack of empathy. You poor thing. You should get yourself another similar one.

Mine was a little skinny bear that I carried in the crook of my arm that my favorite uncle had given me. It just flopped over my arm like that. Once I left it on the counter at a grocery store and threw my first tantrum, weeping hysterically until we went back to get it. I don't know what became of it. It probably finally just fell apart.

[happy2bchildfree]

I'm sorry to say, but it sounds like your parents had ice water running through their veins. What they did is beyond cold. I hope that you have done/are doing some work on yourself in order to deal with these past issues.