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Post by preraph on Dec 11, 2009 13:43:25 GMT -5
I went to my neighborhood TexMex restaurant last night and there was a big table of about 3 families next to me. All the kids were big overweight mean looking boys, and all the parents talked about was how the schools picked on them. One said they didn't like theirs because he was "too popular." The boys were gross and mean and throwing stuff, clearly bully types, all of them. One parent was telling about how the teacher or principal or someone said something about "dumbing it down" for her and that she told him she was dumbing it down for him. All these people sounded really ignorant and like bullies themselves. So it's real clear how bullies happen. They're encouraged to be jerks by their parents. One of the boys threw something at me, and the parent didn't yell at him or do anything except tell him to go pick it up. There needs to be a law that parents like this who don't cooperate with school policies should be prosecuted.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Dec 11, 2009 15:48:44 GMT -5
There needs to be a law that parents like this who don't cooperate with school policies should be prosecuted. I think that eventually it will come to a point where that will happen. Around here, there is less and less tolerance for bullying. Bullies are being cracked down on harder and harder all the time, and I think it will just be a matter of time before the parents will start being held accountable for their kids' bad actions. I just wish this crackdown on bullies would have started 50 years ago. Probably would have saved me a whole lot of trauma. |
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Post by preraph on Dec 11, 2009 21:01:53 GMT -5
Yes, and so many others. Well, in my day, schools were allowed to discipline kids, so it wasn't as widespread, but the thing is, all that does is make the bullying happen just off school property, where the school has no jurisdiction.
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Post by kiddinla on Dec 11, 2009 21:35:23 GMT -5
Ha ha "go pick it up". Were you hit? That would have been awkward; getting hit with food, and waiting for the parents to do something. I really don't know what i'd do in that situation.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Dec 12, 2009 1:41:16 GMT -5
Yes, and so many others. Well, in my day, schools were allowed to discipline kids, so it wasn't as widespread, but the thing is, all that does is make the bullying happen just off school property, where the school has no jurisdiction. From what I hear, so much of the bullying now is "cyberbullying". |
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Post by preraph on Dec 12, 2009 18:54:28 GMT -5
Yes, cyberbullying and also bullying so that someone can make a video for YouTube are huge problems. Cyberbulling attracts weak cowards.
The kid just threw a piece of paper, but I was very tempted to kick that kid's ass when he bent over to pick it up by my table, but then it was so clearly the parents' fault.
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Post by cnu5000 on Dec 14, 2009 7:54:30 GMT -5
The "good" thing abut cyberbulling and video bulling is that it leaves of trail. Someone told me once that what can make bulling hard to crack down on was that it can be stealth. Bullies know how to bully when no one is looking.
I think when I was growing up people who were bullied felt a stigma to it so they did often not report it. I think victims of bullies may have been regard like victims of domestic abuse or sexual assault-a stigmatized. I remember being told by a therapist and I have a friend who also was told this by a therapist when were were children that there was there was something about us that attracted bullies. In her adult version I would say what might "attract' bullies is that she is not assertive and does not stick up for herself.
However, when I was a child and heard this-it made me feel somehow I deserved to be bullied.
Also in general people talk more about things and that may include bullying.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Dec 15, 2009 2:25:14 GMT -5
I think when I was growing up people who were bullied felt a stigma to it so they did often not report it. I think victims of bullies may have been regard like victims of domestic abuse or sexual assault-a stigmatized. I remember being told by a therapist and I have a friend who also was told this by a therapist when were were children that there was there was something about us that attracted bullies. However, when I was a child and heard this-it made me feel somehow I deserved to be bullied. There was definitely the "shame" factor in being bullied, and I think that prevented a lot of victims from reporting their abuse. I think that a lack of self-esteem and confidence "attracts" bullies to their victims. Bullies just seem to have a radar for these traits. It becomes a vicious cycle--the child loses confidence and self-esteem because of the bullying, which then causes them to become a target for more bullying...and on and on. Like domestic abuse victims, victims of bullying eventually come to believe that they deserve the abuse they are getting. Psychological bullying is even worse than physical bullying, IMO. That old saying about "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is total BS. Nothing could be further from the truth. |
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Post by cnu5000 on Dec 15, 2009 7:37:50 GMT -5
I feel adult bullies go for people that they feel they can get away with it. Happy-I agree with everything you said.
My husband was very surprised that recently a clergy person(not priest) that he knew growing up has been charged with sexual abuse of some boys in his care dating from the seventies(Massachsuetts has extended the time frames that some people can be prosecuted for child molestation). I told him the reason it is coming up now is that people talk more about child sexual abuse then they did in the seventies. I think in the seventies people were held back from reporting of sexual crimes for fear they would be treated differently.
In addition, I wonder whether in the sixties and seventies little girls should be "nice". I remember in TV I would see boys hit each other but not girls. Now I here people talk about how mean little girls can be to each other.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Dec 15, 2009 13:59:55 GMT -5
I feel adult bullies go for people that they feel they can get away with it. Happy-I agree with everything you said. My husband was very surprised that recently a clergy person(not priest) that he knew growing up has been charged with sexual abuse of some boys in his care dating from the seventies(Massachsuetts has extended the time frames that some people can be prosecuted for child molestation). I told him the reason it is coming up now is that people talk more about child sexual abuse then they did in the seventies. I think in the seventies people were held back from reporting of sexual crimes for fear they would be treated differently. In addition, I wonder whether in the sixties and seventies little girls should be "nice". I remember in TV I would see boys hit each other but not girls. Now I here people talk about how mean little girls can be to each other. I actually was referring to child bullies when I said that they go for those weaker as victims, but I agree that this is the case with adult bullies as well. I've noticed that in the case of adult bullies, their victims tend to be those who can't or won't stand up for themselves although this isn't always the case. I have never believed that bullies (of any age) do what they do out of insecurity. Maybe some of them do, but I believe that most are simply evil people, lacking empathy, who enjoy seeing others in pain. I agree, too, that when we were growing up females were expected to be "nice" and standing up for ourselves was considered unacceptable. |
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Post by preraph on Dec 15, 2009 18:57:52 GMT -5
I understand what they're saying about some people attract bullies, but it's not right to blame the victim for it. Kids pick on anyone weaker when they are bullies, like y'all said, whoever they think they can get by with it with. It's still not the victim's fault. Other forms of abuse, like stalking, I do understand happen more to people who can't say no and just keep letting people take advantage. But bullying, it seems more primal and just people testing out their power to see how far they can get. They need to be smacked.
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Post by cnu5000 on Dec 23, 2009 17:17:28 GMT -5
I think children are more sadistic then adults-they might not fully understand the consequences of their actions I think they have a more intense feeling of sadism in adults.
I remember when I was three I used to three ants into spider webs to see the spider fight the ant. I also used to like steping on ants and pulling their legs off(good thing I am pet free). The feeling underneath was sadism.
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Post by preraph on Dec 23, 2009 23:33:40 GMT -5
Seems like lots of kids go through that with animals and insects especially. I think it just shows that if your parents don't teach you to have empathy for something, you won't. Most parents don't bother telling kids not to torture bugs.
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Post by preraph on Jan 23, 2010 10:59:44 GMT -5
Went out for Italian last night at a little neighborhood place that also has good pizza, and met my sister there. She intercepted me in the parking lot and told me we'd need to go somewhere else because there were a gazillion 7-yr-old girls having a party inside. I looked up (you can see through the window once you get halfway up the height of it) and I could see a hoard of little girls standing up on either the back of the booths or on the tables or something. OMG. We left and went to the other location and it wasn't too bad when we first go there, but then this large group of kids and parents came in and began arranging the furniture themselves and elongated a table right behind my sister's chair, and then the mom proceeded to take photos and while the girls were posing they began going "GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" at the top of their lungs, and I said loudly "OH-MY-GOD," which they ignored, so I banged my fork on my plate, and finally one of the mothers asked one of the girls "Are you needing me to take you home now?" and they brought it down a couple of decibels. God, why do these people think public places are their private party rooms??? This is not Chuckie Cheese's or Cici's, it's a privately owned Italian restaurant owned and operated by Italians. I am so fed up with putting up with this crap when I want to enjoy a dinner. We couldn't hear ourselves think. Barbarians!
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Post by nativenewyorker on Feb 19, 2010 11:07:51 GMT -5
EEEK!!! I face this all the time when we go out to eat around here too!!!
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Post by preraph on Feb 19, 2010 15:23:39 GMT -5
I get SO sick of it. We told that restaurant we had left the other one on account of it, but then here it came at that one, too. Well, the interesting caveat is that the same young man we were bitching to about it is the same one who was extra nice to me on Valentine's Day, so I live in hope that he isn't nuts about children -- but what are the odds of that happening, I guess.
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