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Post by happy2bchildfree on May 12, 2011 17:52:48 GMT -5
I've heard it said that you find out a person's true character when it comes time to share an inheritance with them. I sure found out. I know my experience is not an uncommon one, but it's still very difficult to deal with. Even though the relationship with my brother turned out to be an illusion, I still grieve the loss of the relationship I thought we had. What has happened is such a shock. It's very weird to know that I no longer have any close family. My mother passed almost 10 years ago. I never expected that when my father passed, I'd be losing my brother as well. (I've never gotten along with the other brother, so no loss there.) Even if I came to the point where I could forgive him (highly unlikely), forgiveness doesn't mean allowing an unsafe person back into my life. I'm so done with him once this inheritance is settled.
At the time I was being bullied as a child, most of the time I felt like I was the only one. I can remember only a very few times of seeing someone else bullied--and I too was glad it wasn't me. I feel bad about that now. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized just how many people have had similar experiences of being bullied.
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Post by cnu5000 on May 13, 2011 7:24:35 GMT -5
I am sorry about your brother. I have thought about forgiveness. I think sometimes one can "forgive" the person that hurt you if they give some indication that they have changed. However, I still don't think the relationship will be as good as if they bad thing never happened. There have been a few people who have been mean to me in the past but are OK now so maybe I will "forgive" them.
I saw a psychiatrist yesterday. When I mentioned I got bullied. she asked me what I did not get bullied. So I imagine this attitude is still around.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on May 13, 2011 15:05:36 GMT -5
For me, forgiveness depends on what the "offense" was, whether the person shows remorse for their actions, and whether they make an attempt at making amends. And again, even if I do forgive, that doesn't necessarily mean that I will allow them back into my life.
Just because one forgives, it doesn't mean that they must allow an unsafe or toxic person back into their life.
I'm shocked that you received such a response from a mental health professional. That's the last person I'd expect to have a "blame the victim" attitude.
I suffered depression for most of my life, starting in childhood, but went untreated until I was about 40. At that time I was dx'd with PTSD as a result of the bullying I experienced.
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Post by preraph on Jan 15, 2012 18:27:42 GMT -5
I would just like to remind everyone that our very own CNU has an interesting blog site. www.pbitem.blogspot.com/ I hadn't been in awhile, because I needed to search for the link again, but now I've added to my favorites so I can go leave a comment once in awhile over there.
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Post by cnu5000 on Jan 17, 2012 8:05:04 GMT -5
I am also small and clumsly which made me a target of bullies. Sad to say when I saw someone else being bullied my reaction was I am just so glad it is not me.
Probably other kids feel this way to which makes bullies seem more powerful then they are.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jan 17, 2012 18:13:35 GMT -5
I am also small and clumsly which made me a target of bullies. Sad to say when I saw someone else being bullied my reaction was I am just so glad it is not me. Probably other kids feel this way to which makes bullies seem more powerful then they are. I was bullied for those reasons and a few more. Other kids got bullied for completely different reasons. Bullies can always find a reason to bully someone, and I think they have a radar for those who lack confidence and self-esteem.
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Post by preraph on Jan 17, 2012 20:14:17 GMT -5
Yes, people can do a lot of damage if they want to. One really dumb girl ruined my life and it wasn't that she was a bully. She just had an agenda and her way of doing things was step all over women and suck up to men. It's sad that even a moron can mess your life up.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jan 18, 2012 14:27:34 GMT -5
Yes, people can do a lot of damage if they want to. One really dumb girl ruined my life and it wasn't that she was a bully. She just had an agenda and her way of doing things was step all over women and suck up to men. It's sad that even a moron can mess your life up. It was ONE girl who was the source of the majority of my misery in middle and high school. She didn't bully me herself, but instigated others to do it for her. She also decided that I shouldn't have any friends, so any time I made friends with someone, she'd make sure the person dropped me by spreading all kinds of lies and rumors about me. I know this because some of it got back to me. My parents even went to the school but the only thing they were told was that this girl had mental illness issues and they did absolutely nothing. My parents tried to talk to her parents--we knew where her family lived because it was very close to where we lived. After numerous phone calls and knocking on their door with no response, they wrote a letter to them, which was also ignored. I hope this girl has had nothing but misery in her life. Even all these years later, it still amazes me how this girl was allowed to continue doing what she did, and no one even attempted to put a stop to it. I shouldn't have had to suffer because this stupid girl had issues.
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Post by preraph on Jan 18, 2012 19:59:34 GMT -5
Well, that's exactly how bullying is allowed to thrive. No one does anything about the one bullying. The schools have nearly always blamed both parties in any bullying incident instead of blaming only the bully. That's why nothing ever gets done. The truth is it's worse than ever not only because of the internet but also because at the point at which parents became successful at suing school districts in the seventies, it changed everything. All they have to do is go to the press and cry "foul" and make up something to incense others, and the school admin are afraid to do anything and just try to remain neutral on everything. We have GOT to bring them back to account. One big problem is the good parents and good people believe all these disciplince issues should be left up to the parent, but the truth is a rather large percentage of parents are no good at parenting and don't do their job. In the 50s and 60s, everyone knew and accepted this and schools were allowed to expel kids and punish in different ways that they simply don't do today (not that I'm for physical paddling and all that),but they were able to do more. Now they do nothing except TALK, which does no good if the parent is a piece of s**t.
I was in a restaurant when two sons were throwing food at me and all over right in front of their table of 8, including two sets of parents, and the whole time these trashy parents were talking venomously about how dare the school tell them their child was a bully. They were total bullies themselves, total.
I hope someone gets a successful lawsuit sometime for a school ignoring bullying. I don't want us taxpayers to have to pay for a bunch of suits, but it is going to take something extreme to make it stop.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jan 20, 2012 16:41:12 GMT -5
Kids are committing suicide as a result of being bullied. How much more extreme does it have to get?
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Post by preraph on Jan 20, 2012 20:03:07 GMT -5
I know. People, kids and parents need to be held accountable. This isn't going away until we budget for psychological mandatory intervention for problem children FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
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