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Post by preraph on Feb 7, 2008 20:45:30 GMT -5
Dust Bunny, that is a cute story! Nicknames are nice, sometimes. I liked all mine just because I know you have to be special in their eyes to get one.
Happy, I'm with you on that, but I wasn't always that way. There are just all kinds of people. I guess the safe thing to say is that if your man isn't standing up to his mom now, don't expect him to change and start just because he's with you now!!
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Post by destinydai on Feb 8, 2008 12:50:34 GMT -5
MIL holds grudges like you wouldn't believe - seriously. it's been 4 years this may since we've been married, and she still does passive-aggressive stuff like look at our wedding picture, in a frame, next to older brother's wedding picture, and comment on how much prettier the background would have been if we had taken the picture in a church.
i agree, he needs to grow some minerals and just tell her. i personally don't care whether or not she refuses to ever speak with us again, but i also have to respect that she is his mother.
most of the days i just wake up and thank the clouds that we're 1800 miles away from her.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Feb 8, 2008 14:44:15 GMT -5
When I was about 20 or so, I was dating this guy who couldn't--or wouldn't--stand up to his overbearing mother. My mother warned me that if I stayed involved with this guy, it would be like that until the old bat died.
After dating the guy for close to a year, with his mother's interference getting worse all the time (and him lying down and taking it), I realized what my mother said was true, and I dumped him. After that, if I ever saw signs of a guy not being able to stand up to his family, I just moved on....
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Post by fachowna on Feb 8, 2008 15:56:19 GMT -5
Hi, I am new here and just wanted to introduce myself.
My husband and I are in our early-mid thirties and childfree. We have an older, incredibly intelligent and naughty cat, a middle aged sweet Chihuahua-Pomerian-pug mix, and a bearded dragon that could not care less about us. They are the only children we want.
I have known since I was four or five years old that I did not want children. My family was having a garage sale, and I wanted to sell all my baby dolls. My mom made me keep a couple in case I changed my mind. Also, my brother was born soon after, and I was highly distressed that it turned out to be a human baby. I was pushing for a monkey! I went through a period in high school where I thought maybe, but that passed. My parents seem to have accepted this, and we are not close enough with my husband’s family for it to matter what they think.
(Wow, this is really hard to write. I have so much I could say!)
Anyways, I have lurked on a few childfree sites on and off for the past couple of years, but I got a big push last week when a good friend/coworker of mine got engaged and started talk of having a baby. She already has a child from a previous marriage, but only has him part time, so I still have plenty of childfree social time with her. She has said that she wants to stay home (or at most work part time) if she has another child. She is entirely supportive of our decision not to have children, but I don’t think she realizes how truly incompatible with pregnancy/babies I am. I can see us drifting apart when that happens. So, I have been really bummed out about the prospect of losing her to stay-at-home-motherhood. A couple of days after that, we found out my husband’s brother and his wife were expecting. His older sister then chimed in that she was trying. Luckily, they live far away so we won’t be subject to many visitations.
I am tired of losing people to parenthood, so here I am. I have “real life” friends that are also childless by choice, but it is nice to see that there are so many other people that think like us. I couldn’t believe how much I could relate to some of the topics here. Thanks for providing such a welcoming environment to share!
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Post by preraph on Feb 8, 2008 16:50:28 GMT -5
Destiny, it's a good thing she lives so far away. Make sure it stays that way! It seems to me like when one half of a couple tells their mother something and their mother doesn't like it or doesn't want to believe it, she will automatically blame the spouse for it. So IF he works up the cajones to tell her the truth, make sure he's got enough of them to tell her thoroughly and to make it clear it's him, too, not just you.
Fachona, I'm sure you've found the many threads about losing friends to their children. It's a sad fact of life. There's not a thing you can do about it, but maybe here you'll find a good replacement!
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Post by fachowna on Feb 8, 2008 17:35:34 GMT -5
Preraph, I haven't found the losing friends threads yet, but I will search them out. I know it just is what it is, but it does help hearing how others have handled the same situation. Thanks!
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Post by destinydai on Feb 8, 2008 18:35:14 GMT -5
fachowna - hello from another 'newbie' - it seems like as soon as people get married they immediately want to start having babies. and you do miss out on seeing them, because they can't find a babysitter, or can't make the trip to see you because junior's sick, or tired, or whatever
how far are you away from the family? a few hours drive, or a few hours flight?
happy2b - all of her sons are that way. i've been there when there were yelling matches, her against all three of them, then she starts crying and says things like "i raised you better, i'm just doing this because i love you, this is how i am" and yadda yadda. she's neurotic and needs to take her xanax
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Post by preraph on Feb 8, 2008 18:43:08 GMT -5
Preraph, I haven't found the losing friends threads yet, but I will search them out. I know it just is what it is, but it does help hearing how others have handled the same situation. Thanks! I bumped three old threads about this just now. They are immediately below.
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Post by fachowna on Feb 8, 2008 23:20:12 GMT -5
All of our family is at least a several hour flight away, so we really seldom see any of them. Which, of course, why we are so close to our friends. Thanks, Preraph! I have started reading through the threads and there is lots of good advice. Heading back to read some more now...
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Post by heatherm on Feb 9, 2008 19:51:46 GMT -5
Hello. I'm Heather. I'm 33, single and have never wanted kids. I love my sister's kid and my friend's kids, but I love giving them back even more! I am excited to find this forum. I am sick to death of hearing that this is just a phase. This certainly has been a long phase lol. I consider my beautiful dogs to be my babies. Anyway I just wanted to introduce myself.
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Post by preraph on Feb 9, 2008 20:45:19 GMT -5
Welcome, Heather. We would love to see your dog photos. There's a couple of threads under Misc. to put pet photos, "OK, I ADMIT IT, I ACTUALLY HAVE KIDS" and "LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR PETS." And there's instructions up in the WEBSITE ANNOUNCEMENTS & FAQs how to post photos and other things you may want to know.
Enjoy!
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Post by irishgirl982 on Feb 14, 2008 4:00:56 GMT -5
Hey! I just saw this message here, so I figured I better introduce myself.
My name is Lori, I'm 25 years old, single, and from Minnesota. I am the youngest of 4 girls who are all much older than me. I used to want kids when I was little, but that was before my nieces and nephews were born. (Their ages currently, are: 7, 6, 5, 4, 4, 1... talk about holiday craziness!) After babysitting them and spending holidays and weekends with them, I realized what kids were REALLY about and went through the process of deciding that it was okay for me to not have kids.
That, and I also realized that I didn't have to follow the life script. I also saw how miserable my sisters became in their relationships with their husbands and how they were just DYING to have free time to escape their situations. But then again, all they talk about when I'm with them is their kids. I just did NOT want to end up like them.
I am studying to be a radiologic technologist and want to secure my future financially. With kids, I just can't see how that would be an option. I don't want to struggle financially.
To me, most kids are annoying, screaming, whining, tantrum throwing, climbing the walls, and not listening to anything adults are saying little nightmares.... and NOT FOR ME!
I can't wait till my nieces and nephews get older.
It's great to be here~! -Lori
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Post by preraph on Feb 14, 2008 13:01:27 GMT -5
Hi Lori! Sounds like you have your eyes wide open and plenty to keep you busy without having a litter. Hope you enjoy the forum. Glad to have you!
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Post by ana on Feb 14, 2008 16:41:44 GMT -5
Hi to all our new members and welcome!
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Post by nokidsplease87 on Feb 23, 2008 9:23:08 GMT -5
Hi! My name is Tiffany. I'm 20 years old, my fiance is 25, and we are childfree!! (Ok, we have a feathery child... A green cheek conure named Desmond. ) I plan on getting a tubal ligation soon, provided I can find a doctor in my area who will do so, and provided that we can come up with the money for it as my insurance may not cover it. Also I am currently in recovery from the birth control shot, Depo Provera. It has my body so screwed up that I have gained 80lbs and I can't work; I can't even do a load of dishes without pain. I was hoping the shot would carry me through until I got older and would have a better chance at a doctor giving me a tubal, but obviously that isn't happening... I've known I've disliked kids since I was 6 years old, and all my life people have said "You will change your mind one day". I'm fairly certain that's one of the most insulting statements that anyone's ever said to me. I know myself better than they ever will, and just because I don't fit in to their picture of what's 'normal' doesn't mean that I'm incorrect, not thinking clearly or immature. It just means that motherhood is not right for me. Amanda, I read your post, and I can definitely relate. My fiance's mother is bound and determined that we're having a girl since "she's always wanted a little girl" and she has two boys (one of which is gay, so that leaves little hope for a grandchild on that side...). She collects dolls (which I think are creepy) and every time we're at their house, she shows them to me and tells me how we need to have a little girl... Even though I told her we don't want to have kids; She just keeps talking like she doesn't even hear me (which is what she does when someone says something that she doesn't want to hear). I've pretty much accepted the fact that she is going to continue this crazy until the day she dies and that I'll just have to do what I have to do with everything else she says: Ignore it. And as to you MIL's remarks about it being prettier if got married in a church? Yeah, that we will be my MIL, my mother, and my grandmother, all of whom refuse to accept that we're agnostic and that we'll be married by a justice of the peace. I wish people would just learn to be more open minded, or at least learn how to keep their mouths shut.
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Post by preraph on Feb 23, 2008 11:58:16 GMT -5
Welcome to the board, Tiffany.
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lorraine3000
New Member
if there is a heaven, will they break a $20?
Posts: 17
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Post by lorraine3000 on Feb 24, 2008 19:43:14 GMT -5
hi! i'm new to this board. i didnt think i could find anyone childfree, then i didnt know if i could get the website to work! i only had a few years of ambivalence about children then realised i was definitely not going to have them. unfortunately this town is mostly large, tightly enmeshed families, like my partner's. after 25 years, i'm still invisible to his many traditional sisters in law much to my relief lol my partner and i run a bookstore here that has live music once in a while. sometimes we get a decent crowd, sometimes quite small, like all venues. i like to paint and work out to lance armstrong race dvds (if he could do it with cancer, so can i). i've read books about muslim women, the mafia, and i like to watch LA ink. look forward to talking to you! lorraine .
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Post by preraph on Feb 24, 2008 20:10:46 GMT -5
Nice to have you Lorraine. Your bookstore sounds fun!
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Post by kidfreekaye on Feb 29, 2008 19:45:46 GMT -5
Hi All! I'm a 46-yr-old CF writing a book called "Kidfree & Lovin' It!" I find this web site to be the most complete and user friendly CF site out there. Good work! I will mention it in my book. I have an online survey that over 1,500 CFs around the world have taken, and invite you all to take it too. The results and some witty quotes from it will be published in my book. Just click on this link to take you there: tinyurl.com/2lcjahOr you can access it from the "Welcome" page of my web site: www.kidfreeandlovinit.comThanks Everyone, and Enjoy! -Kaye
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Post by Tabetha on Feb 29, 2008 20:18:24 GMT -5
Welcome to the board, Kaye! I look forward to reading your book when it comes out.
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