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Post by Undecided on May 24, 2007 21:33:39 GMT -5
So, I go married fairly young. It was two weeks before my 19th birthday. Yes, I know. Anyways, I have been married for two years now, I own my own home, and two newer vehicles. My husband and I have done well for ourselves. However, he is in the idea for children now. I have to admit, I have toyed with the idea. I see the cute bundles of joy wondering around all angelic like, and then I see small terrors of the aisles in stores that could care less about those around them. Screaming, throwing fits, and yelling at their parents. At times, I think having a baby would be wonderful. The quiet moments I see my cousins with children have is enough to make me envious. However, I also become annoyed when I'm on the phone with them and I can not understand a word they are saying because there is a screaming, tantrum throwing child in the background. Enough so that I have to ask to be excused off the phone.
I'm straddling the fence in a bad way. I have not spoken to my husband about my undecided nature towards having children. Well, I sort of dropped hints. However, so far I have been doing things purposly wrong in order to prevent my own pregnancy. Drinking soda, bathing after intimacy. Some of those old wives tales. I feel really bad about doing it. Is that just like lying to him?? Should I be ashamed of not knowing if I want children or not.
When I was younger I still didn't think I wanted children. I like having nice things, and working were I get to spend my money on what I want. Though it seems selfish to others. I KNOW that if I tell my husband and then our families about it, they would probably disown me.... What should I do..continue to secretly prevent pregnancy? Talk to him about it, or just have a baby to keep everyone else happy?
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Post by maddosgirl on May 25, 2007 5:17:32 GMT -5
Undecided, Doing the things you're doing won't prevent you getting pregnant. And you should NEVER have a kid just 'to keep everyone else happy'. Sound like you're definately on the fence, you should speak to your husband about it. You should be honest about your feelings, what if you gave in and were miserably unhappy with your kid? Suss him out, maybe make up a story, try this "Theres this girl at work/a friend of a friend, just got married, she's not sure if she wants kids, her husband does. I don't know what she should do. What do you think darling?" Tell him your "friend" wants a males perspective. See what he says. You might be surprised. Marriage is about being honest, you shouldn't feel you have to lie. Especially about something so life-changing. As for your families, your life is YOURS not THEIRS so they can keep their opinions to themselves. Although I'm not sure which part of the world you live in, telling them to butt out might be hard. Anyway, definately talk to hubby, you guys might be on the same page. If you are, you can both deal with your parents, present a united front and all that. Good luck though, keep us posted!
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Post by cnu5000 on May 25, 2007 6:21:24 GMT -5
Hi-You are still very young and have time to play with.....Also remember the bulk of childcare still falls on the woman. The decision to have children will impact you much more than him.... There is one woman I know who has children and has a friend who is getting divorced because she does not want children and the husband does. This woman will tell her friend no matter how much the husband says he will help with the children most of the burden will be on thw woman.
From what I see of people with children fatherhood is still very different from motherhood. The man basically will have the same life he had before plus children while women give up much more.
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Post by preraph on May 25, 2007 10:56:19 GMT -5
Doing what you're doing will definitely not keep you from getting pregnant! Why not just tell your husband you are going to go get birth control pills because you don't want an unplanned pregnancy. That will open up the discussion. Meanwhile, you will be protected.
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Post by Devin on May 25, 2007 11:12:34 GMT -5
I think you should have Essure done. And don't tell him about it! www.essure.com Don't get pregant. Just because someone else wants you to. Your the one the has to be pregnant. No one can make that call for you. Devin
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Post by minerva on May 25, 2007 12:20:26 GMT -5
If you are even asking these questions it's blatantly obvious that you aren't ready to procreate. Do yourself and any potential future "Oops" babies you might conceive a favor, get to your doctor, or if you have to, down to your local planned parenthood and get yourself on the pill ASAP. If you're on the fence, you owe it to yourself.
You're young enough not to have to worry about an unplanned pregnancy right now - you have A LOT of time left to procreate should you fall off the fence in that particular direction.
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Post by Devin on May 25, 2007 14:59:55 GMT -5
I think she should have Essure done. Because anyone who needs to ask someone else. If she should have children. Shouldn't have children. There isn't anything wrong with having children. If you want them. But if you need to ask people what you should do. Your not grown up enough to do it. So if you don't know. You wouldn't be a FIT parent.
Devin
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Post by motherofdog on May 25, 2007 15:58:39 GMT -5
Do you know anyone that has kids that you can babysit for an entire weekend? (The parents would probably dearly love you). Make sure your DH is committed to being around the entire weekend too. Do this more than once and will different age kids. He may decide after one weekend that he's not ready.
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Post by Devin on May 25, 2007 17:43:27 GMT -5
Women don't need husband's/boyfriend's approval on birth control. Nither do men need wife/girlfriend's approval on birth control. If you lose your partner over birth control. You didn't have much going in the first place. www.essure.com Devin
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Post by idealquest on May 25, 2007 18:14:18 GMT -5
Devin, do you sell that essure stuff or what?
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Post by Devin on May 25, 2007 18:33:21 GMT -5
I think it's a neat method of birth control. It's permenent birth control. For women that don't want to be cut on. www.essure.com Devin
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Post by Devin on May 25, 2007 21:27:40 GMT -5
A woman needs to stand on her own two feet. About having children. She is the one that's going to be pregnant 9 months. Not the man! And Not the in-laws! If she don't want children. She should take steps to make sure. She don't have children. Good luck. Keep us posted.
Devin
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Post by notmama on May 26, 2007 11:00:42 GMT -5
I think you should stay on the fence for a few more years until you have more time to think about it, and, in the meantime, do let your husband know that you aren't ready yet and may not ever be.
An unhappy mother isn't going to make anyone else happy, kids or husband.
And do use real birth control, or you'll be a Mom before you know if you want to or not.
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Post by Devin on May 26, 2007 12:18:34 GMT -5
She is right get on some kind of real birth control. Till you know more about what you want to do. An unhappy woman makes everyone else unhappy. And if you do go permanent. Look into Essure. It just sounds neat! Just tell you husband your not ready for children. And your going to take the birth control pill or patch. And think more about having children over time. Good luck.
Devin
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Post by PS on May 26, 2007 14:01:47 GMT -5
Does your husband say anything when you try to let him know your not ready for children? Or is he just trying to please his parents?
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Post by minerva on May 26, 2007 20:17:24 GMT -5
Jeezy Creezy, knock it off with the essure pushing! If she's on the fence why on earth would she pick something permanent??
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Post by Devin on May 26, 2007 20:34:03 GMT -5
I didn't mean to upset anyone. It's just funny to think a woman. Would come to a childfree web site. An ask them if she should have children or NOT. I do think she should be on the birth control pill or patch. Till she is more sure of herself. I doubt if she is here. She really wants to be a mother. She may have children to please her husband or in-laws. But she can't please herself. If she pleases them.
Devin
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Post by minerva on May 26, 2007 22:50:46 GMT -5
Is there some. Sort of virus going around that. Makes people intermittently put a period. In the middle of a sentence?
It. Appears to. Be. Scorchingly contagious.
(sorry, I had to)
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Post by Devin on May 29, 2007 22:15:30 GMT -5
Does your Husband say anything when you try to tell him your NOT ready for children? Keep Us posted on this. I hope you can decide real soon. But till then. Get on some real birth control. till you can decide if you want to make it permanent or not.
Devin
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Post by SarahD on Jun 25, 2007 15:17:02 GMT -5
I am unecided as well. My sister has 3 kids who are very disobedient and being around them for even a short time is too long. They are beautiful kids, but have never been taught manners, they yell constantly, blast the TV, make one mess after another, break things, are demanding, and have even hit my sister! I know that I would do things differently. In fact, I've even been researching parenting websites and reading books. I've gotten addicted to www.askmeanmom.com She's funny and common sense, the way I like to think that I'd be. So far, the urge to have a child is not overwhelming...but I do think about it. My husband said that he would be happy either way. This is an interesting website, I am enjoying reading all of the various viewpoints! Sarah
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