The "I'm Seething" Thread

[truckerswife]

Eoraptor
It is not a good idea to lead people on just because you cannot take the pressure they put upon you to have a child.
The best thing you can do for yourself and others is to be honest!
If that does not work then ignore them and go on with your own life. I am sure you have better things to do then to constantly repeat yourself to breeders that you have no desire to be one.
Good Luck
CC

[eoraptor]

I've been ignoring the twit for ten years. It doesn't work. Telling her flat out "we're not friends anymore, stop talking to me" doesn't work. It's maddening. I made two entries on a blog somewhere to go "argh!" (before I found this place) and she pounced on it and keeps sending me emails (at least she doesn't have my new number). She should never have had kids. She's underweight and in poor health. She's had miscarriage after miscarriage (you'd think that would be a message from god) and so far only two kids to show for it. But she wants at least eight. The first was named after the angel Gabriel (she thinks she's the Virgin Mary...not entirely, but she's convinced she somehow is related) and the rest coming are already named after other angels. Her husband is miserable and doesn't want kids (she went off birth control to get him to marry her) but doesn't want to leave his kids and happens to work for her father.

I refuse to bow down to the crap she throws out. I don't even talk to her! I tell people flat out (when they ask) that I don't want children. My little brother wants kids someday and I look forward to being the crazy aunt. That's what I usually say. These people don't know they're only making me more adamant to not have kids. The more they pressure me to have kids, the less I want them. And considering I flat out don't want kids anyway...

[sylvia67]

jack101 said:

What I want to know is why childfree people are even concerned at all about how parents raise their children, who cares. I don’t pay them the slightest bit of attention, them or their kids. Why would I care, I just want them to keep their kids quiet, and out of the road. If they whip the little brats in Wal-Mart with a coat hanger, I wouldn’t even blink, it's not that I dislike children, they are just not at all my concern. The whole reason I’m not having them is so I don’t have to bother with them at all. So why bother with getting all heated about what this parent or that parent did, who cares. If the kid didn’t deserve what they were getting at that very moment, I’m sure the yet undiscovered peanut butter & jelly sandwich jammed in their parents DVD player will more than make up for them getting their head slammed in the middle of a shopping center, for what seems to be no apparent reason. I think being childfree should mean that you not only don’t have kids, but you are free from stressing about them or their god awful parents for that matter. I’m not justifying the parent’s behavior, but you can’t save the world, so why bother. People have been treating their kids like dirt since the dawn of time and will probably continue to do so well long after you’re gone from this world. Since you only have a limited time here on this wonderful planet, why not accentuate the positive and stop giving breeders and their spawn all the attention, isn’t there a sunset happing somewhere or something. ;D

I agree with you in theory, but we do have to live in this world with the result of the bad parenting. Also, studies show most serial killers were abused as kids so as an adult you can be a target of one of these killers. My husband was an abused child he carried anger inside for years, never killed anyone, but it does affect you for life.

[preraph]

Sylvia, that is very true. And it's one reason I am interested in behavior. I don't know which came first, but I began self-teaching myself about what was then only called abnormal psychology when I was in my mid-teens and then got all interested in profiling when the first books came out in the late seventies and still am very involved in it as an interest. Abuse and neglect usually do cause rage, either outright or repressed that comes upon you with no warning, and it is responsible for many problems. Another huge factor in creating criminals is entitlement. One reason researchers believe the U.S. has so many serial killers is because of the entitlement element, and it often plays a huge factor in rapes and lesser crimes such as theft.

What few people understand is that the way you build self-esteem in a child is to acknowledge their accomplishments -- not PRETEND they accomplished something and praise them for everything they do. They know inside they didn't do anything to deserve it and it leaves them with low self-esteem, which is a major component in stalking as well as some rapes and theft and lying and any number of things. You can't just hand them things for no reason and expect them to turn out balanced. You can't tolerate all their bad behavior and expect them to have any motivation to behave well, and you can't expect the rest of the world to just let them have their way the way bad parents have. So if you're a parent and you want to ruin your child, you better be sure you have plenty of money to pass down for at least a couple of generations. Refusing to train your kids is neglect just as much as not feeding them is, and one day I hope we see CPS given the authority to require parenting classes and followup to deal with this ever-increasing problem.

[truckerswife]

I've been ignoring the twit for ten years. It doesn't work. Telling her flat out "we're not friends anymore, stop talking to me" doesn't work. It's maddening. I made two entries on a blog somewhere to go "argh!" (before I found this place) and she pounced on it and keeps sending me emails (at least she doesn't have my new number). She should never have

Eoraptor: Sounds like your dealing with more then just a woman dead set on you being a breeder. Sounds like this woman is of stalker quality. I suggest you change your e mail address ASAP
If you have been telling her for 10 years that you want no part of her or her life and she is still after you I would get some quality help as in Going to your ISP or even the police.
Good Luck to you
And Stick to your beliefs. Don't let anyone make you change your mind.
You know your not alone now.
CC

[preraph]

There was a story on the news about some building whose employees told a breast-feeding mother she needed to go do it in the restroom and then kicked her out when she refused. Now the woman is all over the news because it's a federal law that breast feeding is allowed anywhere mothers are allowed. Even more reason to ban babies from nice restaurants. WHAT is so hard about taking it to the ladies room or to your car? I've heard the argument it's not sanitary. Well, it's not sanitary to have a diaper-pooping baby in a restaurant either. In theory, I don't mind they're allowed to do this, but in practice, it usually ends up being a blight on my meal one way or the other. The first time it happened to me, we were right up in close quarters with a large party, and the woman nursing was like 2 feet away right in front of me with not only her boob hanging out but her legs splayed. Now, you always hear "Then don't look," and I tried valiantly not to look, but she was in my direct line of vision and too close to ignore. I was miserable. Usually, feeding is no worse than just the normal baby drool, but to me, that is bad enough. Hell, if I drooled during dinner at a restuarant, how long do you think it would be before someone came and asked me if I needed to visit the ladies room or something? It's unappetizing. Why don't mothers get that? Because they don't want to.

[preraph]

Here's my annoyance of the day. I should know better, but I turned on The View, and not two minutes into watching, there's a question on the table and they're going around the circle having everyone answer. The question was just what do you like most and least about yourself. And when they got to Elizabeth, who is pregnant, she isn't even listening and they have to call her name to get her to snap out of it and when she does, she says, "I was thinking about breast milk." Ever since she's been pregant, she inappropriately tries to make the show about her and her pregnancy every chance she gets, and it's totally obnoxious. I would encourage all of you to go to their website abc.go.com/daytime/theview/ where you can write Elizabeth and tell her no one cares except her and possibly her husband (I bet he's tired of hearing about it too) and also click the "Ask the Viewmaster" link at the top and ask him to tell Elizabeth to put a bootie in it. That show is supposed to focus on smart women talking about issues, not the minutae of motherhood.

[princesspedicure]

I'm new here and it's nice to know I can vent without getting the "lecture" about not having kids. My annoyance is when I tell people I don't want children and they say, "Oh, when you meet the right person you'll change your mind." Then I say, "No...I was married for 10 years, never had children, and I'm 38 years old. I know what I want." They say, "You have to have at least one."

What is it with people? Something must happen to them when they have kids. It's like they think that is the only way to live. I don't go on and on about how I think having kids would be a living hell, so why don't they leave me alone?

I work at a college and an instructor who doesn't want kids said it amazes him how people have children then complain about it (up all night, money, etc.) then they proceed to question him on why he doesn't have them. I think a lot of people have children because it's expected of them, not because they want them.

[chrys]

Hey princesspedicure,
I work at a college, too, and I have found it to be a great work-place to be child-free. Hmmm...I've often noticed that many people who are highly educated are child-free. Still not a majority, but I do find a much more accepting crowd of people here, even among those who have children. My co-workers are generally more accepting of differences in religion, lifestyle, etc. We have many gay and lesbian employees as well - a very diverse place to work. I love it!

It is funny how some people complain about their lifestyle with kids, yet they can't wait for you to join them in their misery.

I do know a few exceptions. We have some older friends who have 3 kids and the man straight up told us once that they "suck the life out of you." Not that he didn't love them, of course, but he owned up to the harsh reality of raising them.

My in-laws are great. They have 4 boys and my hubby is their only child-free son. They practically congraulate him for it. They've always told us not to get in a hurry about it (when we were younger) and now I truly believe they're glad we don't have kids. They don't want to deal with it either! All their other grand- kids are grown, the youngest is just getting ready to graduate from HS...and they've almost all had problems. One of my nieces is only 23 and has already gotten pregnant by mistake twice!!! She kept the first baby, (she still lives at home with her parents and the baby), but they gave up the second for adoption. This is a huge secret that I found out by accident because I know the babysitter of the first child. Oops! Can you say "the PILL?!?" What is wrong with these people?!

[eoraptor]

princesspedicure said:

They say, "You have to have at least one."

You can say the same thing about spider bites, but that doesn't necessarily make it true.

[preraph]

Just when you thought it was safe................

Mercifully, many retail stores and even some restaurants are beginning to have "family" restrooms, so everyone doesn't have to be the unwilling victim of Jr. peeing all over the toilet seat or some handicapped person doesn't hav to wait for 30 minutes while someone is changing the baby at the baby station in the stall, and so that we don't have to wait -- and wait -- and wait -- and wait to use the restroom while Mother stands outside the door saying over and over and over and over "Are you almost done? Are you almost done? Are you almost done?"

Which is all well and good except that these arrogant pieces of parental crap are STILL bringing their irritating offspring into the adult restrooms DESPITE THE FACT they are clearly not wanted there and the establishment has made other provisions. This REALLY pisses me off. The whole time I'm on the can today, I'm hearing a constant litany of "Rub your hands. Rub your hands. Keep rubbing them. Keep rubbing them. Rub your hands. Rub your hands."

WHAT will make these people TAKE A HINT? GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE ADULT RESTROOM. THEY ARE GROSS AND SLOW AND FILTHY AND LOUD!!! You finally won your own restroom. Now GO USE IT!

[captainatom]

jack101 said:

What I want to know is why childfree people are even concerned at all about how parents raise their children, who cares. I don’t pay them the slightest bit of attention, them or their kids. Why would I care, I just want them to keep their kids quiet, and out of the road. If they whip the little brats in Wal-Mart with a coat hanger, I wouldn’t even blink, it's not that I dislike children, they are just not at all my concern. The whole reason I’m not having them is so I don’t have to bother with them at all. So why bother with getting all heated about what this parent or that parent did, who cares. If the kid didn’t deserve what they were getting at that very moment, I’m sure the yet undiscovered peanut butter & jelly sandwich jammed in their parents DVD player will more than make up for them getting their head slammed in the middle of a shopping center, for what seems to be no apparent reason. I think being childfree should mean that you not only don’t have kids, but you are free from stressing about them or their god awful parents for that matter. I’m not justifying the parent’s behavior, but you can’t save the world, so why bother. People have been treating their kids like dirt since the dawn of time and will probably continue to do so well long after you’re gone from this world. Since you only have a limited time here on this wonderful planet, why not accentuate the positive and stop giving breeders and their spawn all the attention, isn’t there a sunset happing somewhere or something. ;D

Hear! Hear! I totally agree. When I witness obnoxious brat/breeder behavior, I couldn't care less. I actually breathe a sigh of relief that it's them and not me. Their stupid sideshow reminds me how wise and sane it is to be CF.

[midoria]

captainatom said:

jack101 said:

The whole reason I’m not having them is so I don’t have to bother with them at all. So why bother with getting all heated about what this parent or that parent did, who cares.

I think being childfree should mean that you not only don’t have kids, but you are free from stressing about them or their god awful parents for that matter.

Since you only have a limited time here on this wonderful planet, why not accentuate the positive and stop giving breeders and their spawn all the attention, isn’t there a sunset happing somewhere or something. ;D

Hear! Hear! I totally agree. When I witness obnoxious brat/breeder behavior, I couldn't care less. I actually breathe a sigh of relief that it's them and not me. Their stupid sideshow reminds me how wise and sane it is to be CF.

As they say in the south…Preach!

I joined a CF livejournal community and left 2 days later because of this. Every post was some bitter CF-er complaining about this parent and that “sprog”. It was really pathetic. I mean, yes, we need to rant to each other once in a while. But I don’t understand the point of being CF and joining various CF communities if all you’re going to do is talk about parents and kids.

I guess I never understood the sheer hate of people. I look at my co-workers and relatives’ kids run circles around and feel so happy and relived it’s not me. It’s odd to me that people choose to focus so much energy on something they have chosen not to incorporate into their lives (kids, parenthood). I have better things to do than sit around and complain about how little Billy cried in Wal-Mart last week. Hello? That’s why I’m CF!

[preraph]

This is one of the ONLY places you CAN get your frustrations off your chest. Midoria, you've done it yourself, as I was just reading over your posts, so why does it bother you that others do it? Many people here are bothered by witnessing stupid parenting and having to put up with the results of it. Where else can they go off about some bad parent letting their kid ruin their meal at a restaurant? Personally, I have a lifelong interest in behavior, so it is interesting to me. I also have an interest in victim advocacy, so I am livid if I see abuse of a child as well -- and sometimes abuse is not raising them to get along in the real world. And I'm an activist trying to keep parents from taking over the world and it costing me tax money and time, as I think we all should be. We are outnumbered, and we all need to be writing letters and ranting about it, in my opinion so we are heard.

There's room for all kinds here. If ranting bothers anyone, at least it's easy to avoid the "I'm seething" thread altogether by simply not opening it or stop reading a post as soon as you see it's something that doesn't interest you. I do this all the time.

Also, the truth is, as a group, about the only thing we have in common here is that we don't want kids. If discussion were limited to no talk about kids, I don't think there would be nearly as many entries, and I think we'd find better common ground just going to websites for our hobbies, like music and cooking, etc. where we'd find something common to talk about.

Please feel free to start your own topics for discussion in order to try to ferret out conversation that interests you. That's why we're here.

[midoria]

preraph said:

This is one of the ONLY places you CAN get your frustrations off your chest.

Actually, there are tons of CF communities on the web. I have seen CF Google groups, message boards, tribes, yahoo groups, and livejournal groups. And that's not counting all the blogs of CF oriented people.

Midoria, you've done it yourself, as I was just reading over your posts, so why does it bother you that others do it?

Don't twist my words. I was very specific about what kind of posts annoy me. I didn't say anything about me disliking ranting. I said it pisses me off when that's ALL people post.

And 99% of what I was talking about wasn't happening here anyway. It was on the LiveJournal group I was talking about.

[preraph]

Glad to hear that. You're right. I apologize. The exact word you used wasn't "rant." It was "preach."

[Tabetha]

One of the strengths of this board is that it is a safe place for all kinds of interesting conversations.

We childfree tend to be freethinkers, a bit more open to thinking out of the box than those that follow the standard lifescript of having kids without questioning *actively* whether it's a valid lifestyle for them, what their true motivations are for having children, what kind of emotional, financial commitment they will need to make, etc.

Since we all come from a variety of backgrounds here, our reasons for being childfree are also varied. Some come here to celebrate the freedom integral to their childfree choice as well as their expanded opportunities, others come to share frustration with something they saw a parent or child do because they need to share their concerns or just vent a little steam in a comfortable place.

I will say that unlike a lot of other CF boards, the sprog, crotchfruit stuff is kept to a minimum here.

Most of the parenting complaints I've seen here are more based on concern and frustration with the parenting skill of the offending parent in question (and the dangers their children face as a result) rather than virulent baby hating stuff found on other CF boards.

We were all children once and as a result know a bit (hopefully secondhand but in many cases from hard-won personal experience) what it's like to be at the mercy of indifferent/inappropriate choices from authority figures, so some of these posts come from a place of remembered empathy more than anything else.

[midoria]

preraph said:

Glad to hear that. You're right. I apologize. The exact word you used wasn't "rant." It was "preach."

Eh, it's ok. I should have been more clear.