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Post by flamepointsiamese on Jul 9, 2007 20:24:57 GMT -5
Ok, So I'm sure all of you have heard the line, "who will care for you when you're old". What I want to know is- who will care for you when you are old. Do most of you have family? friends? a nursing home that you put your name on the waiting list for?
Are any of you from small families like me where there really is "noone left"? if so, what are your plans?
I don't mean to be morbid. I really was just thinking about this because its reality for some of us. I think I'd like to be in a top notch nursing home somewhere in the swiss alps, or simply be in my own house with my pets and books. Just curious.
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Post by jessica on Jul 10, 2007 1:09:53 GMT -5
I'd go to a nursing home, I guess. I don't put much thought into it, I turned 25 in February.  I am trying to take care of my finances now so that I don't have monetary worries when I'm old. So hopefully that'll help with my retirement care as well. |
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Post by minerva on Jul 10, 2007 10:48:03 GMT -5
I am saving for my own long-term care. I’d like to have in-home care, but do realize the added expense that I will have to plan for, but I frankly can’t stand the smell of nursing homes. My financial advisor has taken a long-term care plan into account for myself, my SO, and my mother as part of my financial strategy.
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Post by lilredshoes on Jul 10, 2007 16:29:05 GMT -5
That's great, Minerva. I wish I had started thinking about it sooner. I always recommend to people that they find out if their company has a 401K plan and if so, get on board. I should have listened when I was in my 20s and started, but I waited until I was like 33. Other than my 401K plan, I haven't really thought about what else to do. I have a godson who is 22 and is just the greatest kid ever. One time, when we were all sitting around and someone asked the who is going to take care of you question, I pointed to him and said my godson, he's so good to me, I can't imagine he won't take care of me. He replied, "sure, I'll come visit you at the old folk's home and bring you your Bacardi". DOH!! Little brat!  |
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Post by brunella on Jul 10, 2007 19:41:11 GMT -5
We don't really live in a time (or country) anymore where you can depend on the thought that your children will care for you in your old age. People now often move far away after college for a job or whatever reason and don't come back to take care of their aging parents. I've long felt that this is a silly argument from breeders...do THEY have any guarantee that their children will lovingly care for them in their declining years? No, they don't have that; their futures are as unpredictable as anyone else's and those without children probably have a better chance of having the $$$$ for longterm care or assisted living (or traveling extensively).
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Post by sweetnsour on Jul 10, 2007 21:27:25 GMT -5
No one has asked me who will take care of me when I'm old, yet. I come from a very large family which automatically takes care of the elderly. I have had grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins who have lived in their 90s and 100s. It is not even a question because we just do it. Those who don't have children are usually cared for by the nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews.
Even though I know that someone will care for me, I'm doing everything possible to make it easier on them. I have invested in retirement programs and long term care. Here's an idea for CF people who don't think that they'll have someone to care for them when they get older. Let's take care of each other!
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Post by horrificat on Jul 11, 2007 11:45:14 GMT -5
I will take care of myself when I am old and if I can't do it on my own, I will pay a professional (nursing home or in-home nurse) to do it for me. I don't understand people who don't take personal responsibility for their own end-of-life care.
My own parents have been really great about this because they went through hell with their own parents. They vowed never to put that type of burden on their own children. Now, they're in their mid 60s and living in a retirement community that has multiple levels of care stages - independent, assisted living and full nursing care. The funny thing is, they're the youngest people living in the independent townhomes at this point. Apparently, nobody else their age is planning for their end-of-life care either and just expecting somebody else to do it for them. You really have to get into these types of places early because there is such high demand and usually waiting lists.
Another thing my parents have done is hired a financial/estate management company to handle all their finances, pay the bills, manage the investments, etc. when they are unable to on their own.
Basically, my parents are the blueprint for how I want to handle my own retirement someday.
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Post by cnu5000 on Jul 12, 2007 6:26:57 GMT -5
When I get older I don't expect to have any blood relatives to be available to look after me and since my husband is a few years older than me and women tend to live longer then men I expect to outive my husband.
In the area where I live, I know a CF 99 year man and a CF 101 old woman and they are still able to live on their own with some help.
People in good health old age seem to manage fine without children. Hopefully when we get older there will be more senior housing and support senior living arrangements.
It may not be altogether nice to say but I think when people are older whether or not you have money will make a big difference. Money will make you more independent and enable you to do more things.
My mother-in-law has three children but is poor. Her not much money makes her old age sadder and more dependent.
Since do come from such a small family I have worried what will happen to me when I get old but I am coming to the conclusion whether it is better to have the kind of life you want to lead in your middle and healthy old age then to be miserable with children and be taken care of in your final few sick frail and painful old years.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jul 12, 2007 13:49:06 GMT -5
I have worried what will happen to me when I get old but I am coming to the conclusion whether it is better to have the kind of life you want to lead in your middle and healthy old age then to be miserable with children and be taken care of in your final few sick frail and painful old years. My mother used to tell that if I was going to have kids with the thought of having someone to take care of me when I got old, then I shouldn't have them because it would be for the WRONG reason. 1. No one is even guaranteed to live into old age. 2. The grown children may be unable or unwilling to help. 3. The child(ren) may predecease the parent. My husband has three kids in their 30s. None of them can take five minutes to call him to see if he is dead or alive. He hasn't heard from any of them in years. He's going to count on them to take care of him when he's old? Yeah, right. I also know of an elderly widow who had two sons, both of who predeceased her. She has plenty of money to pay for whatever help she needs, so it isn't a problem, but if she had been depending on her kids taking care of her in old age, she'd be out of luck. And, I bet if one were to check the family background of nursing home patients, I'd be willing to bet that most of them have children. No guarantees. |
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Post by cnu5000 on Jul 13, 2007 6:24:50 GMT -5
I have also heard that some people say that it is better to have no family that have family won't help.
I also know of older people whose children have died of cancer and it was very hard on them. I have heard that it is the most awful thing to happen that a parent buries their child.
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Post by sweetnsour on Jul 13, 2007 15:35:59 GMT -5
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Post by sweetnsour on Jul 13, 2007 15:41:02 GMT -5
I know many people who are experiencing the pain of the loss of a child. I don't want to feel the pain. I can't see why anyone would have kids to have someone to take care of them when they're older, knowing the posssibility of this pain.
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Post by cnu5000 on Jul 16, 2007 6:14:43 GMT -5
Interestingly enough my mother is a retired adoption social worker. She once told me to have someone to look after you when you get old would be considered a "bad" reason to want to adopt a child. She said more acceptable reasons would be that you like children and want to raise a child.
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Post by preraph on Jul 16, 2007 11:01:47 GMT -5
Oh, thanks for that. That will make a great anecdote to come back with when someone cites it to you as why you must have children. "Did you know that adoption agencies consider that a disqualifying reason to have a child?" Love it.
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Post by eoraptor on Jul 22, 2007 22:51:50 GMT -5
I agree with what others said about there being no guarantee your children will bother to help you. Why people think that children are an automatic guarantee is beyond me. Provided my husband and I both live to old age, I'm going to be caring for him (he's 14 years older than me). As for who will care for me, well. All I can do is prepare for what I can, make friends, and gain a social network. Nothing in life is guaranteed or under our control. If it was, I'd have Superman's powers and be immortal.
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Post by ivycreeping on Feb 25, 2008 13:37:26 GMT -5
If I ever need someone to take care of me, I hope to have a live-in nurse or something of the like. I also hope that my brother has a child who I can spoil and who will feel sorry for me and help me out. |
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Post by cnu5000 on Feb 28, 2008 6:59:07 GMT -5
I once read somewhere that when child-free people have nieces and nephews often the nieces and nephews will help out in the care arrangements for their child-free relatives.
However, I don't have any nieces or nephews by blood. My husband and some but we don't see them that much.
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I am trying to take care of my finances now so that I don't have monetary worries when I'm old. So hopefully that'll help with my retirement care as well.
