Childfree life makes you alive longer

[sage]

Is it just me or do childfree people stay the healthiest and sanest as they get older?

The childfree people I meet seem better capable of retaining their abilities, persuits and passions as they age. They remain mentally sharp, physically healthy and happier with their life's output.

Whereas the childbearing masses seem more often to hit 50 and then decide that they're "old" and they never, ever, ever want to make any kind of physical or mental effort again. I love my parents but now that they're both 51, they have come to the conclusion that they're "old" (yeah, and I'm Mother Theresa) and spend the vast majority of their free time in their pajamas in front of the TV, watching the exact same shows and reruns over and over again, letting their brains rot away and gradually losing the ability to think capably. They never go anywhere on weekends because they don't want to go through the trouble of leaving the house or getting dressed. Their poor dogs have not gone for a walk in literally years. My mother is actually terrified of the outside world now, and she keeps getting more immature, strangely. Like she hates grocery shopping and so has decided that she will never do it again. I come home some nights (I live with them while I'm a student) to find that there is absolutely nothing in the house to eat at all. She just refuses to go shopping - any rational, real adult would realize that grocery shopping is in fact a basic neccessary evil of life. My parents never play games or see movies; they only vacation to Disney World (yes, 51-year-old adults, and no, they don't take any kids with them), they never prepare any dinner or meals anymore; they have almost no hobbies.

I feel that this is because after so many years of raising little hellions (like me! ;D) parents decide to retire as soon as possible and then "relax" like there is no tomorrow. Does anyone else notice this pattern?

[happy2bchildfree]

I've noticed that childed people often seem older than childfree people of the same age. I've seen what you are describing among the elderly, but not in healthy people your parents' ages.

[cnu5000]

I think having children matures/ages people. My husband is 52 and I am forty-seven and when we go to family events where there are no children we are still are parents babies.

[nativenewyorker]

From what I've seen it definitely seems like having children ages a person.

I am a quite youthful-looking 42-year old, in shape, active & busy pursuing my passions. Yet the majority of women my age & even much younger who have children appear to be so haggard, old, exhausted, & out of shape. It's as if once they have children they completely give up on their appearance, let themselves get out of shape & simply don't seem to care about how they look.

Now there are exceptions, of course. For instance my sisters, both active, busy women, still find time to look gorgeous!

[nativenewyorker]

disclaimer to my previous post:

Now, I hope I didn't come across as judgmental, I'm not saying that all mothers have to be fashion queens to be okay, or anything.

But, being that I keep myself busy, healthy and active, I do notice the glares I get from the childed women I come into contact with. (I teach music part-time & often have to deal with these mommy types in my work).

[truckerswife]

Sage: your mother is 51 and giving up on life??? I feel so sorry for you and for HER!!
I am 52 soon to be 53 and no way am I giving up yet. My poor body may ache like crazy But I still do things any chance I get. Unfortunately, we only have one car and DH needs it for work.
So I am stuck at home all week long.

But I remain active by doing housework running up and down stairs
and doing 100 touch toes 3 times a week.
I know I should do more. As soon as the weather here cools down I plan on going for walks too.
But anyway no way am I giving up on life. This Nov we are going back to Seneca Niagara
and having a grand time.

But I do have to agree with you.. I guess people with children like my own mother adopted a lifestyle of sitting in front of the TV every night and did nothing.
She retired from being a bookkeeper at age 65 at age 70 her health started going down hill But she was always afraid to see a DR and waited till age 75 to see one for the first time in her life.
But it was too little too late.
Now she is 82 cannot walk, has Parkinson's, & stomach problems, and lives in a nursing home.

She can't even feed herself half the time. She weighs 92 pounds.. In her Prime she weighed 165 at 5.7 Now she is nothing but a bag of bones.
It kills me to see her like that.
But she made her own choices for her own life.

I know one thing for sure. I am not living like that when I get old.

[felina34]

Well my parents are in their sixties and still very active. My dad is turning 66 on Friday and is leaving 3 weeks hunting in the woods. I have to plan a night with my mom to call her (I leave 5 hours away from them) or else she would not be there; she has a lot of activities. Of course they have their share of health problems, but nothing dramatic. I hope they stay that way because they are still very interesting to talk to. They almost never watch TV - my dad likes to watch news and sports, but certainly not all the time. My mom prefers reading and she says she's too busy to follow a show every week.
However I agree that having kids changes lives and a lot of new parents are not prepared to the amount of work it implies. How often I see coworkers coming back from maternity leaves, exhausted and constantly moaning. I would not take their place for all the money in the world.
Sage, what's happening to your parents is scary. It looks like they are developing a kind of agoraphobia, and to an external reader (like me) it looks like they are using their age as an excuse for not going out anymore. This could become really serious.
Age is not a reason for not going out anymore - my 85 year-old grandmother still goes out playing bingo (the real game, LOL) every week, and she walks to the place.

[truckerswife]

felina34 said:

Age is not a reason for not going out anymore - my 85 year-old grandmother still goes out playing bingo (the real game, LOL) every week, and she walks to the place.

WAY COOL!! Felina34 I hope to become just like your grandmother some day! My inspiration for now, is my own Mother-in-Law. Who at age 75 still works part time at our local grocery store chain here in Cleve. Ohio and on good weather days she walks to work.
(She is afraid to drive, after being in a few bad car wrecks with her other son) She does not own a car.

Walking is the very best thing anyone can do for themselves.
Ask any doctor they will tell you the same thing So a big fat Kudo's to your grandmother felina34

[preraph]

I think what makes you live longer and stay looking and feeling younger isn't just not having children, though they're a big factor. I think it's enjoying life. I had a reunion with a bunch of old record industry people, now in their late forties and fifties, and they all still looked 20 years younger than they were, regardless if they'd had kids or not. But it is true that having kids makes most people act like they can no longer remember what it was like to be young. True, a lot of those were men, so they aren't all that involved in the daily grind of parenting. One woman there, in her forties, could easily have still passed for 20, but she didn't have kids. I just think doing what you love keeps you young and not letting yourself get caught up in a stressful rut (which I am in right now! Getting old!)

[truckerswife]

Well My DH always Say's "Your as young as you feel" And that does apply to everyone!
Kids or no kids. But NOT having kids is a better "ride in life" then having kids IMHO ;D

[happy2bchildfree]

felina34 said:

Sage, what's happening to your parents is scary. It looks like they are developing a kind of agoraphobia, and to an external reader (like me) it looks like they are using their age as an excuse for not going out anymore. This could become really serious.

I agree, and I think that depression is also a possibility. It would explain their apparent lack of interest in life. Are there physical health issues which might prevent them from being more active?

[flamepointsiamese]

true! child free seem less fearful, depressed, adventuresome and generally HAPPIER and well rested compared to the sleep deprived, exhausted breeders who had suffered the physical effects of child birth and the like. Pregnancy to me really seems awful for the body- I always saw it as having some parasite growing in your stomach, sucking up your energy, sleep, nutrients, brain cells, etc as it grows bigger and bigger and comes out of you. (I had a helminthic parasite within me once and I was very sick, and during those times, I always thought that pregnancy is like having a tapeworm in you ) just a wierd association.

[eoraptor]

My mother is not quite a year older than her brother, who is CF. My uncle could pass for one of his students well into his 40's. While he is getting more crotchety lately, he still goes backpacking, mountain climbing, canoeing, alligator watching, and anything else involving the outdoors and hiking boots.

My mother complains about how her "old bones" can't take the strain of various activities and how tired she is, how she can't keep up with everyone, etc. She just turned 60.

[truckerswife]

eoraptor said:

My mother is not quite a year older than her brother, who is CF. My uncle could pass for one of his students well into his 40's. While he is getting more crotchety lately, he still goes backpacking, mountain climbing, canoing, alligator watching, and anything else involving the outdoors and hiking boots.

My mother complains about how her "old bones" can't take the strain of various activities and how tired she is, how she can't keep up with everyone, etc. She just turned 60.

Hey eroaptor if you don't want your mother to end up in a nursing home I suggest you get her involved in some walking projects. Get her out side and do things! Even if it is just to walk in the malls.
I would hate to see her wind up like my mother.
Bed ridden at age 82.
I go swimming and see 90' year olds in the pool with me.
So I know old people can be active if they stay young in the brain
an not give in to the every day aches and pains.
I ache like crazy but I am not giving up hope or the ability to walk!
And the 60's is when My mother started her complaining about her aches an pains instead of going to a DR or walking it off.
Good Luck to you & Her ;D

[cnu5000]

Sage-I do think your parents my have some other problems related to depression.

My parents are very active people and my mother is 80 and my father is 85. They mellowed as they got older. I think they also found it a relief not to have to worry about more so much.

[horrificat]

I don't know whether it has anything to do with having children or not, but to me, my parents seem way older than they really are. My mother is 62 (63? I can't remember) and she has glaucoma, high blood pressure, etc. My father is 65 and he has Type II diabetes, bad hips, bad knee, etc. Aside from their physical problems, they also are becoming "grumpy old people". They complain about anything and everything. They refuse to learn new technology. Neither one of them knows how to use a cell phone. They refuse to get an answering machine at their home. My father can barely use email. I sent him a link to a website the other day, telling him to copy and paste the address into his web browser and he replied, "How do you copy and paste?" Aaaargh!

[truckerswife]

horrificat said:

I don't know whether it has anything to do with having children or not, but to me, my parents seem way older than they really are. My mother is 62 (63? I can't remember) and she has glaucoma, high blood pressure, etc. My father is 65 and he has Type II diabetes, bad hips, bad knee, etc. Aside from their physical problems, they also are becoming "grumpy old people". They complain about anything and everything. They refuse to learn new technology. Neither one of them knows how to use a cell phone. They refuse to get an answering machine at their home. My father can barely use email. I sent him a link to a website the other day, telling him to copy and paste the address into his web browser and he replied, "How do you copy and paste?" Aaaargh!

Your not alone Horrificat I tired to get my mother to get a computer before her health went south,but she refused.
Hell she still has a phone that won't work for 1-800 numbers
She NEVER Upgraded her land line phone & Our local phone company won't do it for her she has to make the call.
But she never did.
Its a generational thing that keeps the old people old in their minds because they are afraid of change.
That is IMHO
So your not alone.
But trust me I have no plans of becoming anything like my mother.
I may have aches and pains and diabetes like your parents do
But no way am I behind the times.
The only thing I plead guilty to is not watching the news.
I hate hearing sad things and sad stories about the war and such and local things here too. And I just sort of play ostrich when it comes to the news. I have enough crap in my own life I don't need to hear about other peoples misfortunes.

I know its not right.. Or P.C But hey its my one bad vice in life.
That comes under the heading of being selfish which I freely admit to.
So if people don't like it well that is their problem.
I get my news off the net only & ONLY IF I choose to do so.

[cnu5000]

Sometimes I thought it the other way round-children introduce their parents to the new technology.

Sometimes I wonder if I am getting behind the times because I am child-free. I have never text messaged, don't have something in MySpace etc...

I see all these six years old playing with a computer and feel so inteferior.....

[felina34]

cnu5000, I think it really depends on oneself. Personally, I try to find out about things that I feel interested in. I have a cell phone but I don't text message, because I find it boring. I'm not interested in MySpace, so I don't care about it. However if I get interested into it, it might change.
My friend taught her grandfather (age 80) about computers and using Internet because he asked for it and was willing to learn. My dad, a few years ago, got a GPS and learned to work it all by himself with the instruction book which was all in English and he doesn't speak English very well, he read the instruction book with his dictionnary. All is in personal will I think.