|
payback
Jan 9, 2008 13:58:18 GMT -5
Post by yesreally on Jan 9, 2008 13:58:18 GMT -5
OK, so I just had another person (co-worker) utter one of our favourites:
Who's going to look after you when you are old?
I mentioned how having kids is no guarantee that you'll get looked after anyway.
I'm still a bit ticked off with this woman. I loathe anyone who questions another person's life choices when those choices do not negatively affect anyone.
So now, I'm thinking that anyone who asks that stupid question deserves to find themselves dumped in a nursing home when they get old. Especially if old-age care was one of their motivations for having kids in the first place. Sheesh.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 9, 2008 14:37:35 GMT -5
Post by ruth59 on Jan 9, 2008 14:37:35 GMT -5
Sounds right to me. The worst kind; the kind where there's never any heat, where the staff are undertrained and uncaring, and they leave you with your food in plain sight, so you can see it but are unable to get to it.
I will NEVER understand the mindsets of people who question another person's decision on anything as life altering as parenthood. And if children are so damned important, why wouldn't these fools be happy there are people like us who don't thoughtlessly create children we really don't want? You'd think they'd be relieved. Jerks.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 9, 2008 16:20:31 GMT -5
Post by limeygirl on Jan 9, 2008 16:20:31 GMT -5
Who's going to look after you when you are old? I think if we are asked this question we should reply "Oh is THAT why people have children? How selfish!"
|
|
|
payback
Jan 9, 2008 18:34:43 GMT -5
Post by ruth59 on Jan 9, 2008 18:34:43 GMT -5
Perfect response!
|
|
|
payback
Jan 10, 2008 6:40:36 GMT -5
Post by Ninja on Jan 10, 2008 6:40:36 GMT -5
|
|
pc1965
Junior Member
Posts: 60
|
payback
Jan 10, 2008 7:02:36 GMT -5
Post by pc1965 on Jan 10, 2008 7:02:36 GMT -5
I find when I answer "God... same as now" people shut up pretty quickly. Or you can say "I am taking all the money I have saved in NOT having children and putting it toward home health care." but I haven't tried that one yet.
|
|
Erin
Full Member
Posts: 112
|
payback
Jan 10, 2008 13:26:36 GMT -5
Post by Erin on Jan 10, 2008 13:26:36 GMT -5
I find when I answer "God... same as now" people shut up pretty quickly. Or you can say "I am taking all the money I have saved in NOT having children and putting it toward home health care." but I haven't tried that one yet. I've never been asked that question about kids & getting older before but if I ever do I love your God response! I can see not a lot of people arguing about that one but you never know.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 10, 2008 13:53:45 GMT -5
Post by princesspedicure on Jan 10, 2008 13:53:45 GMT -5
I have had the same comment made to me when I say that I like being single and independent. There is no guarantee that having a partner/spouse will mean you'll be taken care of or never be alone. I was married once and I was alone in so many ways. Marriage and family has no guarantees. Life is what you make it.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 10, 2008 16:35:42 GMT -5
Post by sweetnsour on Jan 10, 2008 16:35:42 GMT -5
I'm curious to know in what context YesReally's co-worker was asking the question and if the individual has children that she assumes will take care of her in old age. Actually, I don't mind if I'm asked this question in a non-presumptuous and non-judgmental context. It could be a person who is considering staying child free asking who has concerns about the future. There was a lady who does have kids who asked me this question. I told her that I had invested in this long term care program because I didn't want to be a burden on my relatives. She said that she had not even considered being a burden in the future. We discussed the reality and examples of how we could become burdens and how history shows that children have their own lives to live. As the result of our discussion, she also invested in a long term care program. Sometimes these types of questions can be educational. It's just those that are judgemental coming from people who cannot accept our choices that annoy.
I just love pc1965's response. I've got to use that one!
|
|
|
payback
Jan 10, 2008 19:46:59 GMT -5
Post by happy2bchildfree on Jan 10, 2008 19:46:59 GMT -5
There is no guarantee that having a partner/spouse will mean you'll be taken care of or never be alone. This is especially true for many women due to the fact that women tend to outlive their male partners.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 11, 2008 11:11:16 GMT -5
Post by yesreally on Jan 11, 2008 11:11:16 GMT -5
We were discussing looking after aging parents and grandparents. I'm 40, this co-worker is probably close to 60. Her parents and my grandparents are all getting quite old and the issue of care is not far off.
I was commenting that thinking about this stuff is one of the signs that I'm really a grownup now, and by not having kids I was able to put off these kinds of responsibilities. That's when she asked "Who will look after you when you are old?"
I don't know - maybe the context makes a difference in the interpretation. I don't think it changes the annoying-ness of the remarks.
To me, it was typical of the attitude I often encounter with women that age. It's like they need to slap you down, put you in your place, because your (relative) youth and freedom makes them insecure about their own choices. They spent 20-odd years putting their kids and husbands first, now the kids have moved on (often the husbands have too!) and they must re-build their lives. They don't like running into someone who mostly kept her options open.
And in the case of this particular woman, I think she's a very conventional type who got married and had kids because it was expected of her, and she might be genuinely confused by the idea of doing something else.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 11, 2008 11:46:57 GMT -5
Post by princesspedicure on Jan 11, 2008 11:46:57 GMT -5
I attended a retirement party last weekend and I was sitting with a friend's mother-in-law. Somehow the subject of marriage and children came up. It was a refreshing surprise when I told her I didn't want children. She said she completely understood, but when she was married (she's in her 60's) it was what was "expected" of them. She said that she didn't give it any thought either; it was something that you just "did."
We went on to talk about how we enjoy living alone and being able to do what we want to do. Most of the time people her age try to convince people like us that we'll die alone and live a miserable existence because we aren't married with children. It was a nice change.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 11, 2008 16:18:33 GMT -5
Post by sweetnsour on Jan 11, 2008 16:18:33 GMT -5
Here's an interesting thought: The CF folks in my family have decided that we will take care of each other.
|
|
|
payback
Jan 14, 2008 21:35:49 GMT -5
Post by shell on Jan 14, 2008 21:35:49 GMT -5
When faced with this question, I have used the one, as previously mentioned: "I wouldn't want to place that kind of burden on my children anyways." Worked well, and it shut them up immediately. By the look on this person's face, I could tell she had not thought of it as a 'burden' either. I LOVE the one "Oh that is why people have children!" I am going to use that!! Shell
|
|