Linking Can Backfire - Please read

[preraph]

Though most of you will never notice it because we are able to filter most problems before they reach your eyes, you may be interested to know that when anyone posts our link on another message board, it usually draws more detractors than supporters to our site, even when it is posted with the best intentions.

For that reason, if you have someone you know is childfree and not a troublemaker that you want to provide our link to, it would perhaps be better for this board if you would do it privately rather than posting the link publicly within a message on another board (which seems to attract more attention than that board simply listing us in their links, which a person would have to take the initiative to go look up). It is truly amazing how many non-childfree people seem to want to come over here and take a swing at us. So your cooperation on this would be appreciated!

Also, on that same note, you might want to tell us if you have a trusted referral you are sending over here so we make sure we don't filter them out. Just write Tabetha or I a PM with the ID that person will use when they sign up and that way we will usher them right on once they apply!

Thanks, guys, for helping us make this the peaceful haven it is,

Preraph & Tabetha

[Erin]

Will do! I never even thought about what you just said & I'm glad you both brought it to everyones' attention. I've only posted this link once I believe to another military spouse on a board but it was done via their board in a private message & they too were childfree. Though I haven't heard from her since so I don't know if she ever came here or not since I don't really know her.

I've been telling my husband a lot about what I read on here and he's even thinking of joining the board? You wouldn't think that was weird would you? Again, he's just thinking about it.

[Tabetha]

Preraph makes some excellent points! Unfortunately, for every 1 or 2 CF people that find the board with a public link on another forum, there are *many more* anti-CF people who end up drawn to the board so they can attempt to harass us all for our life choices.

As Preraph can tell you, *in more than one case*, a single link to the board openly on a public forum resulted in dozens and dozens of hostile people trying to get on, sending hate mail to the site, etc.

All the Mods here do what they can to help keep such people out and everything running as smoothly as possible. Not linking openly to the board is one way you can help contribute to the well being of the board.

May 30, 2008 22:46:30 GMT -5 Erin said:

I've been telling my husband a lot about what I read on here and he's even thinking of joining the board? You wouldn't think that was weird would you? Again, he's just thinking about it.

As long as you'll both feel comfortable here (and that they'll be no negative ramifications at home, as in the case of some fencesitting couples where one partner is leaning towards being childfree and the other is not) I don't see any problem with that at all.

[kentuckykimmie]

Very good info. You know, I just don't "get it" when people who are opposed to a certain lifestyle sign up for a site for the sole purpose of harrassing the members via the hate email or by making derogatory posts. I often browse different sites out of pure curiosity, but NEVER even think of joining up to do things like that. I have been reading one IN AWE lately, in fact it's got some excellent topic starting material for our site. It has some posts on there from mommies with screen names like boobiesr4babies etc....... and I am appalled at some of their beliefs and ways of life.

It's still interesting though to see other peoples' points of views, but I still NEVER post and if I did, which I can't see why I would want to, I surely would'nt say what I am thinking about them breastfeeding 7 year olds, or how boring a life they must have if they spend their day chatting about diapers, pooping, tantrums, and "funny" little things their brood does. It's their little corner of the world and while I don't understand it or agree with it, they have the right to talk about, post whatever they want, and exchange information with like minded people without interruptions from people who don't share their views.

I wish more people would give us the respect which we not only deserve, but that we give to them. As for spouses joining, my husband is a member on here too, and while he doesn't post all that much, he does read a good deal and we enjoy discussing issues and topics from here. I agree, as long as there is no animosity regarding one being a fencesitter or opposed to CF, I don't see a problem at all with spouses joining.

[happy2bchildfree]

I saw the unfortunate results of board linking on another childfree board where I used to post. That's the last thing we want to happen here.

[Erin]

We both feel comfortable. Neither of us is leaning either way.

Like I said though, I may just read or tell him about some of the things here I find interesting & think he will too. But he himself has been having many feelings about frustrations about not wanting kids & how that's not the "norm" it seems in Navy life.
Sometimes his shipmates/co-workers will be talking about kids, showing pictures to everyone (he says they all look alike by the way....those sonogram pics,) how it seems many guys he works with say things too like, "I can't wait for our kids to be 18 because once they turn 18 I'm kickin' their butt to the curb," things like that. (Don't they sound like good dads?)

He feels he has no one to talk to or has the "no kids" thing in common with many people. He's a guy, obviously, and gets along and goes w/the flow of life but we both wish we could find some friends who we have more in common with.
The one guy that did ask him if we had kids and my husband said, "no," and the other guy said something like, "good, they're not worth it," just got orders and is transferring to a new duty station soon, so he was bummed about that. I hate that "just having moved" feeling after you do move.
Anyway, he has been as frustrated as me with feeling like we have something in common w/someone else, which is why I joined this site. Before then I started doing research on childfree living when I began feeling like I acutally did have a choice in life & didn't have to "follow the norm." I had guilty and negative feelings at first a few years ago but now I feel so liberated and not afraid to talk about it like I was before. And family is very supportive on both sides.

Earlier we were reading the post about "attatchment parenting" and were both in awe. I myself have been meaning to write a thread about attatchment parenting. Being a Navy wife and hearing about it all the time (especially on some of the support boards I go on sometimes) bugs me all by itself. The word "attatched" for me sounds so negative in some way. I was pleased to read all the posts about it. We both agreed on many of the different aspects of that particular style of parenting and how bad it will end up being for these kids later on in life, etc. We both talked about how it'll be interesting to see (when we're 50 years old, lets say) how all these new generations of kids will turn out to be.

[preraph]

I'm just glad by the time these products of attachment parenting hit the workplace, I won't be in it to have to deal with them.