Doug
Full Member
Posts: 128
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Post by Doug on Jun 28, 2008 14:40:38 GMT -5
A woman's 'right to choose' has been largely demonized in our current pro-natalist culture. So, I'm wondering if anyone here has actually had an abortion, or ever talked to anyone who had the procedure done.
I know it's a really personal thing to ask about, but I can't help it. I'm curious. Plus, we talk about PLENTY of personal things on this site, so what's one more? Abortion as a topic of discussion really IS one of the last taboos. So I'm very interested in hearing about this from someone who's gone through it.
If you don't feel comfortable describing the experience using 'I,' you can definitely describe it as happening to a friend or something. No one has to know. I don't want to pry here, so I hope no one is offended that I brought this up. But if there's ANY place online where this topic could be addressed, I would hope this would be the place.
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Post by preraph on Jun 28, 2008 15:22:27 GMT -5
I've taken someone for one before. We didn't really know each other well. I think she chose me rather than someone she was closer to on purpose. It didn't take long, and we went out to eat afterwards, so I guess the emotional toll is worse than the physical toll. Of course, this was an early abortion, which makes a huge difference.
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mar
Full Member
Posts: 237
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Post by mar on Jun 28, 2008 16:03:31 GMT -5
No - But I know many who should have..... no brains, no money and no hope !! And not a clue how to raise a kid regarding hygiene, discipline and every other important issue that should come natural to a person with half a brain.
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Post by Tabetha on Jun 28, 2008 18:53:21 GMT -5
I would definitely have an ab (or take RU486 if it were appropriate) right away if I ever needed one (though that's very unlikely because of hubby's snip). In the past, I've encouraged a few young women to go to Planned Parenthood to get on birth control though. At the time I was living in a mostly Catholic area and these girls were using a combination of crossed fingers, lucky charms, and the pull out method as birth control.  |
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Post by serenity on Jul 19, 2008 8:56:27 GMT -5
I had an abortion, in December 2001. In fact my due date is coming up, the child would have been six this year. I remember waking up after the procedure, and thinking oh my god, I'm not pregnant anymore- and I felt sad and empty. I wanted my baby back. I cried a lot, and wrote a letter to my angel, signed "love, Mommy." I had a VERY strong urge to get myself pregnant again to replace what was lost but I knew how stupid that would have been. These feelings are very common, but women who actually do this say that having a "replacement" baby doesn't make up for what was lost. The worst part was, I am a dancer and was expected to perform like 3 days after the abortion (this had been sprung upon me with less that a week's notice) and the doctor had said you can't perform, do whatever you have to to get out of it. So I told the director that I had fibroids removed from my uterus and had been advised not to dance. Close enough. Also, every time I saw a pregnant woman on the street or something, I was so jealous and so wished I could be pregnant again. At the time I thought I wanted kids eventually and felt like I would be a terrible mother. Once I got over the initial trauma, I was fine and in no doubt that it was the right choice. I won't go into the situation with the father but it was bad. I have some friends who have also had abortions, some were sad like me but others were emotionally unaffected. Everyone is different. Doug, if you would like to explore this topic further check out www.passboards.org. It's a message board similar to this one (but much larger) and kind of an online support group for women who have had abortions. Arguing about the politics of abortion is not allowed, just love and support for women who are grieving. We talk about other topics too. It really helped me feel less alone after my experience- there are thousands of women out there. The last firgure I heard was 43% of American women under 45 have had an abortion- and half of those have had two or more. I shudder to think how much more overpopulated the planet would be if we did not have this choice. |
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jul 19, 2008 15:36:33 GMT -5
The last firgure I heard was 43% of American women under 45 have had an abortion- and half of those have had two or more. I shudder to think how much more overpopulated the planet would be if we did not have this choice. And had all these unwanted babies been born, what would have been the outcome for them? I have no doubt in my mind that many of these children would have ended up as victims of abuse or neglect. How many would have ended up dumped onto an already overburdened foster care system? Even if they had all been put up for adoption at birth, there wouldn't be enough adoptive homes for all of them. Sadly, the anti-choicers refuse to look at any of that. All they care is that the unwanted babies are carried to term and born. Once they're born, these people couldn't care less what happens to them.  |
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Post by kentuckykimmie on Jul 19, 2008 22:40:58 GMT -5
I have personally known of numerous women who have had abortions, and they all have a different story as to why. I knew several girls in high school who had them simply because they didn't want to go to an unwed mother's home/school and go the adoption route, which was the only other option back then for unwanted pregnancy other than quitting school and staying home with their parents or getting married. All of them got on birth control pills which were prescribed by the planned parenthood clinic so the mistake wasn't repeated. Back then, only the family doctor/gynecologist could prescribe the pill and of course mom would find out. Most of my "crowd" were Christians who were active in the church and an unwed pregnancy was greatly frowned on in our community and the girl forever labeled a tramp, if it was found out she was having sex. So, there were a lot of abortions done on "good girls", which were kept rather quiet.
Abortions were only performed at 12 weeks gestation or less in my city in the 70's and 80's. There was one girl I didn't know very well, who got knocked up during Christmas vacation of our junior year. I saw her that summer and she was clearly pregnant and in late term maternity clothes and rumor had it she had moved out and was living with the 20 year old boyfriend. Well, things turned sour with him so in anger she went down to Florida and had a late term abortion at nearly 8 months pregnant. She never seemed the same after that, so I'd imagine it was a horrible experience as they actually have to induce labor at that stage and literally cut the baby up to abort it in some cases, at least back then that's what they did.
Then I knew another woman who was nearly 40 years old and had three kids. She just did not want to take the risks which the doctor said she would have including diabetic coma, a kid with downs, and some other equally awful things. In Alabama back then, and I would guess even now, NO doctor will perform an abortion unless the life of the mother is in immediate and imminent danger, and even then they are hesitant. So, the only choice are abortion clinics. Another woman I know had a 6 month old fetus inside her which had died, but the family was making a big deal out of being at the hospital when it was delivered, having a wake, funeral, etc....and she just couldn't deal with it so she went down to Florida and had the dead fetus aborted and said she miscarried.
I knew of several other women who had casual sex with men they didn't know after a night of partying, and they had abortions at 7-10 weeks. One other one was 20 years old, was in nursing school, and already had a 3 year old out of wedlock, and had been celibate since his birth. One drunken weekend with some friends at the beach and she wound up pregnant and had an abortion. There were others, and most felt bad about it and none of them wanted to have an abortion, it just seemed like the best option at that time. All of these women now have children, so I guess it's not just childfree women who want or have abortions like a lot of people think. In fact, the few childfree women I know in person have never had abortions as they are and always have been vigilant about birth control, almost OCD about it.
Personally, I would have one in a heartbeat and I am pretty sure I would never look back with anything but relief that the option was available. I do not believe that a fetus is a baby at the moment of conception. I do however, have mixed emotions about when the fetus becomes a baby and my personal beliefs is that is when it can live on it's own outside the body of the mother. I don't judge them, but I see no sense or reason in aborting a fetus at 6,7-8 months gestation when it could have been done at 8 weeks or so. Although, there can be circumstances when even those abortions are necessary (IMO) as in the case of severe birth defects where the child won't live for more than a day or two outside the womb, or in the case of that baby born without a face down in Florida with the most severe form of Treacher-Collins Syndrome ever documenented. That poor child faces a life of painful surgeries and treatments, certain deformity, and disability beyond comprehension. I would have aborted her had she been my baby, and certainly wouldn't have insisted they revive her every five minutes, like those parents did, and still do.
To say though, "well, I am 8 months along now and a baby just doesn't fit into my lifestyle afterall", doesn't seem like a very good reason when you consider how an otherwise healthy baby has to be aborted at that point in the pregnancy. Like I said, I have mixed emotions.
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Post by midoria on Jul 20, 2008 16:23:48 GMT -5
The last firgure I heard was 43% of American women under 45 have had an abortion- and half of those have had two or more. I shudder to think how much more overpopulated the planet would be if we did not have this choice. It blows my mind that so many American women still need to get abortions. Birth control is sooooo readily available nowadays and covered by insurance in many cases. Why aren't women taking advantage?  |
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Post by preraph on Jul 20, 2008 19:21:27 GMT -5
I agree Midoria. It is appalling. When I was growing up, who mainly got them were high school and college girls who "got in trouble" and didn't feel they could tell their parents about it. And of course, since they couldn't talk to their parents, they didn't tell them they needed birth control to begin with. For awhile, they could get it if they went to the doctor and the doctor was not required to tell their parents, but that law got changed back some time ago so that someone will rat them out, and that is one big reason we do see more abortions, because now they can't get anonymous birth control. But it also happens with just disorganized people being stupid, of course, or getting pregnant only to discover the man doesn't want the baby and not having the sense to figure that out beforehand.
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Post by lys on Aug 29, 2008 21:35:44 GMT -5
The last firgure I heard was 43% of American women under 45 have had an abortion- and half of those have had two or more. I shudder to think how much more overpopulated the planet would be if we did not have this choice. It blows my mind that so many American women still need to get abortions. Birth control is sooooo readily available nowadays and covered by insurance in many cases. Why aren't women taking advantage? Every situation is different. I will never forget this patient of mine. She was a young girl, 15 years old. She came in to date the pregnancy, to get an abortion. After the exam and she was ready to leave we were talking and she said that the pregnancy was a product of rape. I felt horrible for her. She very well may have been a virgin before this, I have had mid and late teens virgins as patients before. Its rare but it happens. |
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Post by midoria on Sept 15, 2008 14:09:19 GMT -5
It blows my mind that so many American women still need to get abortions. Birth control is sooooo readily available nowadays and covered by insurance in many cases. Why aren't women taking advantage? Every situation is different. I will never forget this patient of mine. She was a young girl, 15 years old. She came in to date the pregnancy, to get an abortion. After the exam and she was ready to leave we were talking and she said that the pregnancy was a product of rape. I felt horrible for her. She very well may have been a virgin before this, I have had mid and late teens virgins as patients before. Its rare but it happens. Yes, but as you said, it's rare. I don't think it's a stretch to say that that the vast majority of abortions are NOT done for women and girls who are victims of rape or incest. |
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Post by lys on Sept 16, 2008 17:37:34 GMT -5
I was referring to the rare mid and late teenagers who were virgins as patients.
But I agree, I would say there are more abortions performed for other reasons besides rape or incest victims as well.
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