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Post by juliepoo15 on Oct 27, 2008 16:21:57 GMT -5
Just a quick update... Things are finally looking up for hubby and I. The counseling has helped our attitudes toward each other. Not to mention hubby told me that he would like children, but I am more important to him. He said if children never happen, he is okay with it, just so long as I am happy. So that's a great start. We will keep working on things day by day...
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Post by preraph on Oct 27, 2008 20:19:07 GMT -5
Oh, that is good news. His back was to the wall, and he came through. I sure hope he means it and doesn't waffle.
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Post by limeygirl on Oct 28, 2008 6:55:14 GMT -5
Good for him. I think that as CF'ers we should understand that this is a massive compromise. It is just as big a deal as us saying we would be willing to have a child for the other person. Well done both of you for working things out!
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aeon
New Member
Posts: 8
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Post by aeon on Nov 16, 2008 21:54:33 GMT -5
I heartily agree with everyone on here who encouraged you to find a sympathetic counselor. I can't believe that the people you have seen so far have told you so much about their personal lives. To me that is a hallmark of a terrible therapist. I am an LCSW (licensed clincial social worker) and I have worked in several hospitals and clinics, and have done individual and group psychotherapy. We we trained not only in psychology but also as one person pointed out, the whole picture, what we call "person in environment". At any rate, pretty much the first thing we were taught in graduate school is NEVER to burden your client with your own information, VERY SELDOM is it acceptable to disclose personal information. If you are doing that as a therapist, you are not giving your client the space they need to make their own decisions. My job is to help people have insights, to provide feedback, and to provide education. It is NEVER to tell people what to do, or spout my opinions. It's so tough to find good therapy, since there is so much stigma in even getting mental health treatment to begin with, so most people don't know what the hallmarks are of good or bad therapy. I'm not saying that if you have been to a therapist and they disclosed a lot of personal information that they are a bad therapist... some therapists and clients feel that it is helpful to share their stories, and certainly I don't like the old fashioned Freudian therapists who are completely blank slates and do not give any human feedback. It just makes me wary, especially as you described when these people were clearly not open minded about what might be best for the client. good luck!
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Post by preraph on Nov 16, 2008 23:43:43 GMT -5
I have to say I want a therapist to tell me enough about themselves and how they think and their basic life philosophy that I can tell if that person is even the least bit capable of understanding MY lifestyle, philosophy, etc. Because I am unconventional, and I wouldn't think a counselor who was very conventional religiously or otherwise would even have the life experience to guide me, because I have experience a lot of life. So the one time I went, I got frustrated that she wouldn't divulge anything about herself. And I didn't stay long at all, because I felt in my gut she didn't have enough life experience to be counseling me. So I would say that of course, you don't want your 50 minutes taken up with someone babbling about their own problems, but to me they have more credibility if they have a personal story that tells me they can relate or are experienced.
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Post by lexgirl on Jul 16, 2009 1:00:50 GMT -5
Please don't pass on alcoholic genes. That stuff is very genetic. And I've seen far too many men promise to change when the woman is pregnant or the woman is convinced he will when he's a dad... and it doesn't happen. My mom married a violent, alcoholic husband and went to a marriage counselor who told her, "He'll calm down when he has kids. He needs a family." WORST ADVICE EVER. They brought my sister and me into the mess, only to be abused. I'm glad you want to stay childfree.
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