|
Post by serenity on Mar 2, 2009 20:27:33 GMT -5
Sorry for being out of touch for a bit, just got back from a sunny beach vacation in Cuba!! I live in Canada, it is freezing here and I SO needed it. We never could have afforded it if we had a kid. Malagata, nativenewyorker, and aeon, thanks a million, it's so good to know that I'm not alone in my confusion. And for happy2b and nnyorker, I'm so sorry that people have said such awful things to you. Even when you know in your mind that they are ignorant asses, it still hurts when people say things like that. I realized that when I was growing up and learning about sex/pregnancy etc., and finding out about all the hell women go through to get pregnant and have a baby, I thought, "geez, puking and getting fat and horrid labor pains just to have a kid? why would anyone ever want anything that badly? Being a parent must be FABULOUS!" And then I grew up, and found out that it really isn't. I remember people who were going through fertility treatments, and I could not for the life of me figure out why anyone could possibly want a kid that much. I figured they knew something I didn't. I'm beginning to learn that they don't.
|
|
|
Post by cnu5000 on Mar 3, 2009 7:40:27 GMT -5
My status is that in my single days I was a fencesitter and I married a hard-core CF man. I did go through some greiving for not having a child in my mid-forties but mild.
However, when I was young I was very much programmed to think that having children was the norm. Here in the Northeast I see it being much more of the norm for younger people to be child-free.
I also have had some mixed feeling about not having children and I think it is to a large extent coming from internal rather than external pressure-people here have been quite accepting of my child-free status.
When I think of my hypothetical children I think the most maternal I did for them was not to have them. When I was a child I HATED sports and it is so stressed right now.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 3, 2009 12:32:22 GMT -5
I think it's criminal how much emphasis is on sports, and they all rationalize it like it's good for the child, when in fact it's a babysitter.
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 3, 2009 14:02:15 GMT -5
I've always been grateful that my parents never forced me to do extracurricular activities, especially sports. I hated sports then and I hate them now.
If I'd had kids, I wouldn't have forced them into activities, either.
I couldn't agree more, there is just way, way too much emphasis on sports.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 3, 2009 15:36:26 GMT -5
While I do think sports are way overemphasized, I do think kids need an hour of calisthentics or some exercise during the school day to stay fit and burn off nervous energy. A lot of schools aren't doing that now, and we especially need it now that they're all computer potatoes. Doing exercises is really better exercises than standing in outfield waiting to see if a ball comes your way.
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 3, 2009 17:48:42 GMT -5
The physical education classes I had in school were a joke and at times were extremely humiliating.
They were focused on team sports rather than individual fitness, and more time was spent in getting organized and choosing teams rather than in actual physical activity.
Those without athletic ability (such as myself) ended up as the targets of ridicule, and had the humiliation of being the last one chosen for a team. To this day I have a hatred of physical activity and exercise thanks to physical education classes in school.
I agree that physical education should be part of the school curriculum but it should focus on individual fitness and not on team sports, and should not have to be a humiliating experience for the non-athletic.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 3, 2009 18:08:08 GMT -5
Oh, I agree! Why does everything have to be a competition?? And people who say teams sports is good training for life, I don't think so. I think all it does is create a boy's club in the workplace. And I've never been in any workplace where it wasn't everyone out for themselves, by necessity. To me, "team player" is something I don't want to hear at an interview. It's BS and just a way for the company to try to guilt you into working longer hours. Places I've worked, it's true the men stuck together and lots of them covered each other's butts. I don't think that's a GOOD thing, enabling mediocrity.
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 3, 2009 19:41:19 GMT -5
Why does everything have to be a competition?? I find the fierce competition and all that goes with it to be an extremely disturbing aspect of children's sports. They're kids, not professional athletes. It should be about them getting exercise and having fun. Period.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 3, 2009 21:19:45 GMT -5
Recently, right in my neighborhood, a school made national news, CNN and everything, because one team stomped another so bad they had a 100-point lead. I can't remember what sport. But the stupid parents were calling the winning team bad sports for not laying back and minimizing the humiliation. It's a freaking GAME for school kids. There shouldn't BE humiliation, and there wouldn't be if not for the asinine parents taking it all too seriously. The winning school had to apologize....
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 4, 2009 1:24:57 GMT -5
Yeah, that's just the sort of thing I thinking about, although I didn't hear about that particular incident. Whatever happened to learning to accept defeat graciously? Those parents asinine behavior sends a terrible message to the kids.
|
|
|
Post by cnu5000 on Mar 4, 2009 7:29:35 GMT -5
I think some of the emphasis on sports and competition is in part money based. I know some parents who are hoping to gets sports scholorships to college. I have one second cousin who did very well at spelling bees and her parents pushed her to some extent-again I think there is money for the winners. I think some money motiviations may be somewhat unconscious on the part of some parents but I think it is there.
I think children need activity but when I was growing up gym was terrible for people who did not like sports. In America I think through college people good in sports are admired(I have heard in Europe at least in some countries academic ability is more stressed).
Even in college I remember what was done for fun was music and sports and if you are not good at these things you are feel left out.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 4, 2009 11:39:49 GMT -5
I can't believe there are still people naive enough to think pursuing a sports scholarship is the best course for their child's future. Idiots.
I think all this drama involving kids' parents is just yet one more extension of their failure to have a life outside their kids and living through them. It's so pathetic.
|
|
|
Post by limeygirl on Mar 4, 2009 17:53:08 GMT -5
I agree. Its different if the child begs to be involved and truly enjoys it, but I think thats the exception. I am very active now but when I was at school I detested sport at school. I still remember waiting in line in gym class whilst the teacher made each person take a run at the horse(box?) and try to do a somersault over it or a forward roll. By the time my turn came I was shaking so much I could barely move. I was almost rigid with fear, made worse by being observed by 30+ people. Needless to say I never managed to do it. The most fun I had was when we learned Greek dancing, arms outstretched onto each other's shoulders. We formed a huge circle and danced around to the music, laughing and trying to keep up with each other. No competition just great fun!
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 4, 2009 18:20:29 GMT -5
I am very active now but when I was at school I detested sport at school. I go to a gym several times a week but I can't say I enjoy it at all. It's just another chore which needs to be done. Even now I avoid the group exercise classes because I often cannot follow the steps and even after so many years I cannot get over the feeling that I am being watched and judged, and I feel humiliated. I've been out of school for 38 years now and if I haven't gotten past those feelings by now, it isn't going to happen. School physical education classes did me a lot more harm than good.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 4, 2009 20:19:14 GMT -5
Well, considering I was often a target of derision, I did okay in gym because I was somewhat athletic, but I mean, I had all the locker room crap to contend with and hated that part. As soon as I didn't have daily calisthentics, I began gaining weight. People either need less food or more exercise to stay in any kind of shape as they age, and if you don't get kids in the habit young, they will likely never develop the habit.
Limeygirl, I agree - my favorite part of gym were the dance classes, and they are excellent exercise and so good for shy people, because it forces them to interact with the opposite sex a little and get more comfortable about it. I was disappointed when any dancing pretty much ended in middle school. I wasn't a good dancer, but I really enjoyed it and no one seemed to make fun about that, at least.
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 4, 2009 22:09:24 GMT -5
Limeygirl, I agree - my favorite part of gym were the dance classes, and they are excellent exercise and so good for shy people, because it forces them to interact with the opposite sex a little and get more comfortable about it. We had square dancing in, I think, 5th and 6th grades. Interacting with the opposite sex was pretty awkward at that age, LOL! But the dancing got us moving and had social benefits as well. Can't say I was crazy about it, but it was OK and it sure beat having to play stupid sports. In high school I took a class in Interpretive Dance to fulfill my PE requirement one year. I wasn't any good at the dance part, but the class mostly consisted of various types of calisthenics and stretches so I got a lot of benefits out of it.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 4, 2009 22:42:14 GMT -5
I missed dancing so much that I went and took square dance lessons at a church, but it wasn't fun because it was "adult" square dancing, in which they only walk around real slow. Hah.
The only bad thing that sort of happened about dancing was when I was in seventh grade, I was only 12, just a little girl, not at ALL ready to date, but it was the first dance, and one of the little boys I'd been a partner with in grade school asked me to the dance, and I automatically said yes and then was too shy to carry through with it and ended up having my mom call his mom and say I'd meet him there. I think it hurt his feelings, and I always felt bad about that, but I just wasn't ready for anything resembling a date. It totally freaked me out! I would have been fine just going with girlfriends.
|
|
|
Post by cnu5000 on Mar 6, 2009 7:26:00 GMT -5
I think folk dancing is a good idea-it is inclusive. However, it did not come into here until my mid-twenties. I think it is a great idea for school dances because it includes everyone.
When I was in high school the sports that were stressed were softball, tennis and volleyball none of which I am good at.
At work I was hearing about a young women who coaches some kind of girls team and she is having to tell some of the parents to chill out-they push.
This is one thing my parents weren't good at-helping me find out of school activities that I was good at and I enjoyed. They sort of ignored that part of life.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Mar 6, 2009 9:51:53 GMT -5
>This is one thing my parents weren't good at-helping me find out of school activities that I was good at and I enjoyed. They sort of ignored that part of life.[/quote]<
There were 7 years between my sister and me. She was ultra high maintenance as far as school activities. We were on the outskirts of town several miles from the school, and she had to be taken to band practice at dawn and ended up being a national champion baton twirler. My mom enjoyed that because she excelled at it, but she was over it by the time it was my turn and didn't encourage me at all. I got into a bad deal because my sister was a big majorette because I didn't want to copy her and compete doing that and couldn't have done well anyway because I'd almost lost all the ends of my fingers on one hand as a toddler when she intentionally shut my hand in the pickup door. I would have loved music and band except that I had severe sleep problems, always sleep deprived, so I didn't want to do the marching band at dawn thing. I had loved choir before and should have done that. But what happened is I thought I should pursue something, and the only other thing for girls was cheerleading, so I did that and made the cut my first year of middle school, but then I didn't really like the snobby girls in it and didn't feel I'd ever excel at it. So I quit. I should have joined choir, but I was afraid the teacher in charge of the cheer squad was mad at me (I doubt she was), and she also taught choir. So that really stunk. Through it all, my mom just stayed out of it. She would have and did cart me around, but I just knew she'd be just as glad not to have to. She was very agoraphobic anyway and preferred just to stay home all the time except for the odd bingo game. I don't know how she didn't go nuts. Well, she did go nuts in a way, by the time I was in high school, really irate a lot. I don't know if it was menopause or just the rocky marriage (which lasted 30 years or so despite it).
|
|
|
Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 6, 2009 14:41:54 GMT -5
I remember my mother trying like hell to get me and my two sibs interested in various activities, but none of us wanted any part of it. I was in girl scouts for a short time and decided I didn't like it and that was that. One brother took guitar lessons but he was so halfassed about it my mom told him that he either needed to put forth some effort or quit. He quit. The other brother played on a sports team for a very short time but only because one of his friends talked him into.
I don't regret that I wasn't involved in things and don't feel that I missed out on anything. About the only thing I remember having any interest in was reading and reptiles. My interest in reptiles was roundly discouraged and I was told that I spent too much time with books and reading. I think it pissed my mother off because she wanted kids who got involved in a everything, and none of us did.
Even now as an adult, I don't have a lot of interests and am not one to get involved in things.
My feeling is that in time everyone discovers their talents and interests, and it shouldn't be pushed.
|
|