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Post by preraph on Mar 6, 2009 19:23:27 GMT -5
It's also true that we naturally rebel against doing what our parents want us to do, so pushing a kid to do something is the wrong way to go about it.
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Post by cnu5000 on Mar 12, 2009 6:09:54 GMT -5
I think introversion/extroversion conflicts are often problems between parents and children. My mother's father was very outgoing and she was very shy-they ran into conflicts. I am slightly more outgoing then my parents-when I was a child I often wished for more outgoing and "fun" parents.
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Post by preraph on Mar 12, 2009 10:23:14 GMT -5
Well, personality roles of our parents directly influence what type the child will be, and it's by no means always a matter of immulation. If there is a domineering or dominant role already taken in the household, it's rare another person or offspring will also be able to assume a dominant role. If there is no leadership in the household, a child may have to step up and develop some leadership skills to help fill in the deficit. It all starts so young we are not aware of how directly influenced we were by our parents, both good and bad, usually both. It isn't always about modeling after one parent, it can be about developing a personality suited to survive with the parents, too.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Mar 12, 2009 13:04:44 GMT -5
I think introversion/extroversion conflicts are often problems between parents and children. I think so too. Some personality types are simply incompatible. My belief is that we are born with our basic personality traits but we can learn to hide those traits to survive--sometimes to the point where we know longer know who we really are. I ran into problems with my mother because she was a very outgoing, social "people" person who enjoyed being involved in a lot of different things. She was also a very passive "go along to get along" people-pleaser type of person who would stuff her anger and paste on a phony smile--anything to avoid making waves. I was (and am) anything but these things. She never missed an opportunity to make disparaging comments about my personality so I felt that I wasn't "good enough" or acceptable to her. I ran into problems with my father because he was a very controlling, overbearing kind of person and I was the one who dared to stand up to him. I think that had a lot to do with why he abused me. Then when I grew up I couldn't understand why I kept ending up with men who couldn't accept me "as is" and tried to make me over or men who abused me--or who did both... |
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Post by cnu5000 on Apr 1, 2009 6:23:08 GMT -5
My mother's father was very outgoing-my mother rebelled and is a very shy person. She felt his friends were too superficial. I always wished my parents were more outgoing and fun.
Sometimes they say things skip a generation.
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Post by preraph on Apr 1, 2009 10:22:39 GMT -5
My dad was social and loved to party but didn't get to much, and my mom didn't like to leave the house hardly at all. She just sat in this chair all day drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, in between cooking and cleaning, and she seemed, for the most part, content with that. She did go play bingo once in awhile, and really that was it. She only had one neighbor she talked to as a friend. They were together over 30 years and my dad totally partied himself to death (though he lived to be in his 90s) after the divorce. He got in so much trouble. She was what kept him grounded. So there's why those opposites sometimes attract - they keep each other from self-destructing. She had met him on "the third day of a five-day drunk" (his, I'm sure) when she was a nurse and began nurturing him, I think.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Apr 1, 2009 13:23:58 GMT -5
My mother was very social and outgoing. My father was very reserved, quiet and introverted. I have no idea how their relationship endured for so many years with such vast differences. I, and both of my sibs are all quiet, introverted people, not very social.
My belief is that our personalities are much more nature than nurture. My mother didn't like my personality and tried like hell to change it when I was kid, to no avail.
After many relationships with social, outgoing men--all of which failed mostly due to our personality differences--I am married to someone with a personality very much like mine. So far, it's working...
As far as I'm concerned, a relationship between opposites is a recipe for disaster.
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Post by cnu5000 on Apr 3, 2009 6:18:32 GMT -5
I think our personalities are a mixture of nature/nuture.
Recently I was hearing some parents talking about their children and right now everything they do seems very controlled by them. While I realize that children can't take care of themselves, it must be frustrating to be so controlled and I think parents impose some of their likes and dislikes and their children. For example I was talking to one young woman who said when she was a child her parents took her skiing but she did not like to ski.
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Post by preraph on Apr 3, 2009 8:59:42 GMT -5
I just read Dr. Drew Pinski's book on Celebrity Narcissism and it addresses the problems with parenting that we've discussed on this board, rewarding them for nothing causing entitlement and low self-esteem and workplace dysfunction, etc.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Apr 3, 2009 14:19:31 GMT -5
I just read Dr. Drew Pinski's book on Celebrity Narcissism and it addresses the problems with parenting that we've discussed on this board, rewarding them for nothing causing entitlement and low self-esteem and workplace dysfunction, etc. The idea that children should not be allowed to ever experience any failure or disappointment is another big problem, IMO. Another thing is the way kids' lives are micromanaged down to the minute so they literally have no time for themselves for down time or to do what they want. One thing I've noticed among some parents who have teenaged kids--they either set no boundaries for these kids whatsoever, or they are still trying to control them like they are two years old. Or the parent treats the teen like an adult when it's to the parent's benefit (i.e. babysitting younger siblings) and like a small child the rest of the time. None of these are healthy situations. But what could I possibly know? I never had kids. @@ |
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Post by preraph on Apr 3, 2009 20:24:53 GMT -5
Yes, your first point was actually discussed in his book. He said it's insane, this practice of handing out 10th place trophies so no kid is disappointed and he goes into detail the repercussions from this, and they're ALL BAD. He says it's narcisstic parents who do this and it's for them, not for the kid.
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