|
Post by Tabetha on Apr 16, 2008 19:36:53 GMT -5
As far as Alcoholics Anonymous, Rational Recovery, or any other self help group goes, I think that sometimes one has to look at the offerings of such groups as if they were part of a buffet. Some people want to load up on the shrimp while others prefer to fill their plates with the meatballs or macaroni.
Everyone's trying to solve their hunger while enjoying the company of others. It's up to you to fill up your plate in a way that works and is pleasing to you in the long run.
I joined a (non-12 step) self help group when I was living in NY to help me deal with some childhood issues that were contributing to my writers' block. Some of the methods employed were very helpful while others struck me as a bit simplistic, so I decided to put my mental emphasis on the methods that worked for me and gave me insight, and just mechanistically deal with the less interesting methods so I could get what I needed out of the experience overall.
As far as being old and lonely goes, I'd much rather not have children and end up alone than to have children and make sacrifices for them only for them to actively or passive-aggressively reject me when I'm old by not visiting much, not calling, etc.
|
|
|
Post by shell on Apr 16, 2008 22:21:41 GMT -5
Good analogy Tabetha. Everyone has to find their own way of dealing with things. I don't think any ''program'' is a cure, we are too complex for that - I wish it were that easy! Good for you for working through your writers' block, that is great. I have made alot of progress in dealing with my past, through various methods, and it is freeing. I have never been involved in a self help group, but did go for private therapy for awhile. Same thing, some methods I thought were completely ridiculous and not for me, and other methods helped immensely.
I agree, I would much rather be alone than feel rejected by someone you were obligated to make sacrifices for your entire life.
Shell
|
|
|
Post by cnu5000 on Apr 22, 2008 6:19:39 GMT -5
This is a subject that concerns me as I have no blood relatives but elderly parents and the statistical probability is that if me and DH make it to old age I will survivie him.
However, I am going to digress to a different topic of parents moving to different parts of the country to get away from their adult children. When DH's sister moved out of town, I started see what moving away from relatives does to relationships-it gives relatives a visitor status and people's day to day life is separate.
Anyway I was talking to one woman where I work who is in her fifties and she was telling me her goal was to retire to California(I live on the East Coast) so she would only she her grown children and Christmas-she was tired of them coming over all the time. This is a woman whom I thought had a nice close relationship with her adult children-I guess it was too close for her.
I have an Aunt and Uncle who are older than her who lived in Michigan and retired to Arizona. Her adult children living in Michigan were upset by this. However, my Aunt and Uncle who are in their seventies seem quite happy in Arizona without their children(and they have no grandchildren) and are planning their fragile old age without their children. I have another Uncle who retired out of the US rumor has it to get away from one of his troubled children(his other children followed him out of the country).
I live in Massachusetts. I have several friends whose parents have retired permantly to Florida. While winters are cold here, and I can see why the elderly don't like the snow, I am beginning to wonder whether some of what makes Florida relaxing and attractive to some elderly is that they are away from their adult children. It does get the parents out of the day to day lives of their adult children.
|
|
|
Post by ana on Apr 26, 2008 15:32:23 GMT -5
I think that must be a part of it.
I haven't met any parents that DON'T use the grandparents as free babysitting. I think the smart grandparents get the h*ll out of dodge and avoid having to say NO all the time to their children.
Also, with such a large senior population, I'm sure they are catered to with amenities and activities. There's no reason they can't have a fun-filled retirement.
|
|
|
Post by cnu5000 on Apr 28, 2008 5:51:14 GMT -5
Some seniors do seem to have a fun retirement. I think many of them like being with people their own age. I think many seniors are fairly self-sufficient into the mid-eighties.
Also I am in my late forties, and I am experiencing the rise of people who have serious illnesses and deaths from illnees people my age. I am beginning to feel that people are fortunate to experience the problems of old age.
|
|
|
Post by preraph on Apr 28, 2008 9:23:22 GMT -5
If people are gregarious and social through midlife, they will do the same in old age as health permits. If they were isolated and kid-centric, that won't change in retirement, more than likely.
|
|
|
Post by cnu5000 on Apr 30, 2008 5:51:52 GMT -5
Sometimes where I so old people get lonely is when they have a hard time moving around. Some of these people are still active mentally but they have difficulties leaving where the live.
I see more senior housing being built. Unfortunately, they tend to be either for the rich or poor.
|
|