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Post by preraph on Feb 12, 2008 20:23:15 GMT -5
At what age did you first know you wouldn't want to have children?
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Post by blackbird on Feb 16, 2008 9:39:28 GMT -5
I always knew. I didn't like kids when I was one.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Feb 16, 2008 12:58:08 GMT -5
I never gave it a thought either way until I was in my midteens, and then I starting thinking that I didn't want them. I don't remember the exact age I was when I was sure that I didn't want them, but it was around 22-24.
I didn't like kids or kid things when I was a kid, either. I mostly acted like an adult when I was a kid.
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Post by sweetnsour on Feb 18, 2008 7:59:58 GMT -5
Hey now, where's the ballot for age 46 and above? I can see why it would be assumed that if you didn't have kids by 45, the your mind is already made up. Don't forget about surrogacy, late age birth and adoption. And don't forget that males can have kids very late in life.
My mind was made up at age 8. My folks would send us to the grandparents during the summer. I remember returning home one fall and noticed the house had been rearranged. The house was very neat and looked so calm. I asked my mother what was going on. She said that when we (the kids) were gone, she had plenty of time to read books and do some sewing. I don't think that she meant any harm, I just think that she was having a real moment where the truth came out. My dad looked pretty relaxed too. That's when I realized that children are a burden and that without them around you can do more. I mean mom just looked so peaceful. From then, I visioned that having kids was toil and labor intensive with no pay. And no, going through puberty didn't change my mind. I saw pregnant girls dropping out of high school. I thought that pregnancy was a hindrance. I was too involved in activities and knew having kids would cramp my style. Now, every time I hear of a pregnancy, I vision more toil and labor for whoever it is.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Feb 18, 2008 15:30:48 GMT -5
That's when I realized that children are a burden and that without them around you can do more. I mean mom just looked so peaceful. From then, I visioned that having kids was toil and labor intensive with no pay. I remember as a child overhearing adult conversations about the things they couldn't do (or had to do) because of the kids and started thinking that life would just be a whole lot better without kids. I didn't make up my mind for sure until my 20s, though. As a teen, my own mother talked to me about motherhood, and she definitely didn't sugar-coat it. She made it clear to me that although it has its rewarding moments, much of it is thankless and unpleasant and full of sacrifices and that REALLY got me to thinking. She was even honest enough to tell me that had she known what it really involved, she wouldn't have done it. Also, growing up with two much-younger sibs, I saw first hand what having a baby/toddler/small child in the house was like. No thanks!
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Post by cnu5000 on Feb 19, 2008 7:17:43 GMT -5
I have often noticed that often people who are child-free are eldest children-some of them had to look after younger brothers/sisters and did not like it.
This would describe my husband. He is the oldest of three. He is about seven years older than the next youngest. His father got sick and had lots of problems and it sort of fell to him the oldest to step in and deal with the problems. Though he won't admit it, I think he did find his younger brother and sister kind of noisey and disruptive.
However, I am an only child and this does not describe me. :-).
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Post by kentuckykimmie on May 11, 2008 18:27:29 GMT -5
I have often noticed that often people who are child-free are eldest children-some of them had to look after younger brothers/sisters and did not like it. This would describe my husband. He is the oldest of three. He is about seven years older than the next youngest. His father got sick and had lots of problems and it sort of fell to him the oldest to step in and deal with the problems. Though he won't admit it, I think he did find his younger brother and sister kind of noisey and disruptive. However, I am an only child and this does not describe me. :-). I think you are correct as I was the eldest who was always expected to babysit the younger two. My earliest memory of a conscious decision to not have kids is when I was 12 years old. I had bouts of baby rabies off and on, but I think that was due in part to societal pressures and new loves and their wishes. After I gave each and every bout of baby rabies careful and quiet consideration, I always knew it was not for me. The nail in the coffin was a stint at step motherhood, a particularly thankless job and perhaps more thankless than giving birth, but no less difficult, unrewarding, and stressful, but with none of the built in benefits.
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Post by whalehugger on May 12, 2008 14:36:13 GMT -5
I would say probably 7-12. I doubt I thought of it much before then. I do remember as a child, though, from about 6 years and up that I would collect dolls, not play mommy or house with them
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Post by nokidsplease87 on May 12, 2008 14:49:21 GMT -5
I was about 6 years old when I realized it. I was given a doll as a gift and I turned to my mom and said something along the lines of "but babies are gross, mom". After that, I started telling people that I was never having kids. Most people thought it was amusing, and I was always told it was something I would "grow out of". Guess what? I didn't.
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Post by gamerpheonix888 on May 12, 2008 15:15:22 GMT -5
When I was really REALLY young (like 5 or 6) I always thought you grew up, got married, and had kids. Not that it was something I wanted to do, I just thought that was done. But strangely I never thought ABOUT it. I didn't get giddy around babies, I didn't plan a wedding, and when I played with Barbies, Ken was always an idiot. When I got older I just came to the natural assumption well what's the point? In my earliest teens I realized I didn't want kids. So I'm the 13-18 crowd, but I'm older than that now. I'm fortunate to have a small family that doesn't think the breeder way, I guess that's why I never felt weird saying I wasn't going to have kids.
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Post by kentuckykimmie on May 13, 2008 19:18:06 GMT -5
Gamer reminded me of something when she mentioned Barbies. I would spend hours playing with Barbie and friends, but I used baby dolls that I had been given as "town monstors", cutting their hair off, making them mean town villains, and had them attack Barbie city, much like a babyzilla of sorts. I would be willing to bet that my mother didn't realize I was doing this to the baby dolls.
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Post by gamerpheonix888 on May 14, 2008 0:27:19 GMT -5
Gamer reminded me of something when she mentioned Barbies. I would spend hours playing with Barbie and friends, but I used baby dolls that I had been given as "town monstors", cutting their hair off, making them mean town villains, and had them attack Barbie city, much like a babyzilla of sorts. I would be willing to bet that my mother didn't realize I was doing this to the baby dolls. XD that freakin' rocks!
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Post by writerchk on May 22, 2008 10:11:54 GMT -5
One summer when I was 24, I worked in a grocery store as a Floral Clerk. Every Wednesday, this moo came through with her five kids who delighted in runnig through my section and trashing it after I just spent an hour fixing it up. One day, I had had enough. I had been having seizures, my PMDD was acting up and I was getting ready to go back to school (thank God!)
Anyhoo, the kids came through and messed up my station. She just stood there and watched them because it was soooo cute. Gag me. I calmly got a broom, went over to her and handed it to her. I said, "I just spent an hour fixing that up. You think it's soooo cute, you clean it up."
The moo demanded to speak to my manager to which I replied, "Fine with me. Hey, if I get fired, it'll be the happiest day of my life. I've got college to go back to."
She threw out a comment like wait till I have kids, to which I replied, "Now that I've seen yours, I don't want any."
She huffily threw down the broom, got her brood and left. To the sound of applause from a grateful store.
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Post by nokidsplease87 on May 22, 2008 11:39:14 GMT -5
One summer when I was 24, I worked in a grocery store as a Floral Clerk. Every Wednesday, this moo came through with her five kids who delighted in runnig through my section and trashing it after I just spent an hour fixing it up. One day, I had had enough. I had been having seizures, my PMDD was acting up and I was getting ready to go back to school (thank God!) Anyhoo, the kids came through and messed up my station. She just stood there and watched them because it was soooo cute. Gag me. I calmly got a broom, went over to her and handed it to her. I said, "I just spent an hour fixing that up. You think it's soooo cute, you clean it up." The moo demanded to speak to my manager to which I replied, "Fine with me. Hey, if I get fired, it'll be the happiest day of my life. I've got college to go back to." She threw out a comment like wait till I have kids, to which I replied, "Now that I've seen yours, I don't want any." She huffily threw down the broom, got her brood and left. To the sound of applause from a grateful store. I always love hearing stories where someone actually stands up to these people who let their kids be holy terrors. Thank you so much!
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Post by gamerpheonix888 on May 24, 2008 0:42:43 GMT -5
^^^^^^^^^^Rock on writerchk!
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Post by lys on Jun 5, 2008 16:39:47 GMT -5
30 years old. I met a friend who decided she didnt want children, and I asked why. I started researching it, seeing the benefits of it, and found this board. I also looked at parents and children with a different mentality. Nope, no thanks.
Good for you, Writerchk!!! I love when parents get huffy when people tell them that their little darlings arent darlings to everyone else.
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Post by sophia on Jun 9, 2008 8:53:36 GMT -5
I didn't like kids or kid things when I was a kid, either. I mostly acted like an adult when I was a kid. Same here! This seems to be common among childfree people, from what I've read. The part about playing with dolls, too. Instead of playing "house", I preferred to make clothes for my dolls. Also, funerals. And I most likely hadn't heard of the Addams Family, because we didn't have cable tv at that time. ;D Back on topic - I think I always knew. I was really disappointed when teachers had to take maternity leave. Also, I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was also disappointed when characters I admired (from stories, books, movies etc) ended up having kids when they previously didn't seem to want any. I was also happier when my parents visited friends who didn't have children. (I was even happier if they had cats! ) I find it a bit hard to explain - I sort of knew I wanted to be childfree, and at the same time, I didn't give it any thought. It was something I didn't question, like my skin colour. The sentence "I don't want any children" didn't form in my head until someone asked me, in high school, if I wanted a little boy or a girl. It was as if she was asking me about my height. I think only became conscious about it when I first saw the term "childfree". I think that my being childfree is a result of all kinds of little things adding up, and merging with other thoughts I developed. I voted 7-12, because it was the time when I knew lots of kids, and there were lots of opportunities for such little things to add up. I don't know for sure whether I think that being childfree is a condition or a decision - at least as far as I'm concerned.
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Post by preraph on Jun 9, 2008 12:09:57 GMT -5
I acted like a kid, totally, but I didn't like baby dolls or real babies. I loved animals, all kinds. And I was very adventuruous and outdoorsy.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jun 9, 2008 14:07:21 GMT -5
My mother used to joke that she was the only woman known to have given birth to an adult. She used to tell me that as a child I rarely acted like one and didn't like "kid" things at all, and that having me around was like having another adult around. I do remember that I generally didn't like the things most kids of the time liked, and that the behaviour of most kids disgusted me. I was very quiet and very much into books and reading. I remember that I liked the Barbie dolls because they portrayed a glamourous adult, but I didn't like baby dolls at all and NEVER played at being "mommy". And I was very much into everything reptilian, even then. Back then reptiles were not an "acceptable" thing for a little girl to like and be interested in, and my interest was discouraged. I even had a land tortoise as a pet, which I raised as a hatchling and which is still in the family almost 50 years later. I gave it to my brother when I moved into an apartment.
The downside to being the way I was, was that I never fit in with my peers which made life difficult to put it mildly.
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Post by Tabetha on Jun 9, 2008 19:52:39 GMT -5
My mother used to joke that she was the only woman known to have given birth to an adult. She used to tell me that as a child I rarely acted like one and didn't like "kid" things at all, and that having me around was like having another adult around. I do remember that I generally didn't like the things most kids of the time liked, and that the behaviour of most kids disgusted me. I was very quiet and very much into books and reading.... The downside to being the way I was, was that I never fit in with my peers which made life difficult to put it mildly. This all sounds very familiar to me, except in my case my family didn't really like other children/typical child behavior so I was praised and positively reinforced when I acted like a little adult, and made to feel guilty whenever I wanted to spend any time with other children outside of school, listen to music from my own generation (even with headphones), or make the least bit of reasonable noise or mess when doing art projects or playing on my own. I was very uncomfortable around other children and they really confused me. At the same time I envied them their comparative freedom, tooling around on Big Wheels with skinned knees. Thank heaven for books (and cats) though! I could go anywhere and do anything I wanted inside myself as well as learn things for my future adult life. At home I usually ended up retreating to my room, outwardly a little girl on a bed reading quietly. But inwardly I was breaking all the rules...traveling to South America and Africa and having adventures. Even getting a little hurt and dirty. When my mother started working outside the house it was a relief for me to be a latchkey child, get be sent to day camp, wander the streets on the sly looking for things to write about and draw. By then any thought of blending in outwardly with other kids was hopeless. Still, it was nice not to be held quite so closely under my parents' thumb.
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