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Post by Nephthys on May 10, 2008 0:53:44 GMT -5
Has this happened to anyone?
As a woman, I have to go to a gynecologist for those 'yearly exams' and for other things. But more often than not, you have to see an OBGYN because pregnancy and women's health are all mashed together, like we are all walking potential incubators. *barf.* Have any of these baby-centric offices ever made you feel really uncomfortable?
I hate to create a whole thread just to ramble on, but I was really upset and I guess I just needed some people who would understand.
I recently moved to a smallish town so that I could go to an affordable college. As such, there are only two doctor's offices who will accept my insurance. One of them, I don't trust at all, and so that left me with only one option.
Anyhow, the first time I tried to make an appointment at this office, I went and got all the paperwork done, got all ready for my pap (you know, ladies, in the paper sheet and everything,) and then a nurse knocks on the door letting me know they would have to reschedule because my GYN (who is also a freaking midwife, Lord help me,) had to rush across the street to the hospital to deliver a baby. So I get dressed, get an appointment for 2 weeks later, and have to come back.
So today was the day I had to come back, and I get in there. I just want to state my case and get the heck outta there. Of course, I had to sit in a lobby full of baby magazines, and walk past murals of all the lovely "angels" the clinic has delivered, not to mention the charcoal and watercolor drawings of pregnant tummies everywhere. *barf.*
I finally see the doc and state my case. Embarrassing personal details aside, the doc decides to take it upon herself to tell me that wonderful strides have been made in getting people with my condition pregnant, and that I should be taking folic acid, and that it will be so exciting to get my body ready for a baby, and that since I was married, of course it would be no problem if I got pregnant, and on and on and on. I told her I wasn't interested and she said, "Well, happy accidents can happen!"
I know, I probably should have given all these people a piece of my mind, and let them know exactly how I felt. But I am a very passive person by nature, and besides - I didn't exactly want to alienate myself at the only OBGYN in town. (Yeah, there is another clinic I can go to, but I wouldn't trust those people to neuter a cat, much less scrape my insides with a plastic brush.)
I dunno. Maybe it was pointless, posting this all here. I guess that I was just feeling bad because here is a place I need to go for my physical health, but it is disastrous for my mental health. I felt so bad about myself, so sort of persecuted for the rest of the day. Am I just being silly? Has anyone else here been made to feel like a total @ss at a women's clinic?
If you made it so far, thanks so much for reading. I just want to reiterate how great it is to have this place. Coming here and reading everything makes me feel so much more resolute about my decision to be CF and better about myself.
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Post by gamerpheonix888 on May 10, 2008 1:20:06 GMT -5
Fwee I haven't been to the doctor for a long time for any sort of check up so I don't know if I could be much help. I'm terrified to go to a Gynecologist for any sort of pressure or conditioning and many other reasons. If I were to get a tubal I would be worried they'd flub it up on purpose just to make me another mother, but that's a ways away.
In any case with my limited knowledge I'll say this: Is there any way you could commute to a better clinic? I know it shouldn't be you who should have to change your schedule but if this lady is just impossible, might as well find another. I know you said you are passive but if she has the nerve to say "Happy accidents can happen!" again I think you should say: "Then I'll have a lovely abortion!"
Or if ya didn't want suggestions I'll just give ya a hug *hugs* don't feel bad about yourself! You did nothing wrong! You were also quite nice to her considering how ignorant she was.
By the way I love your signature, I'd do the same thing (I want Fire Emblem!)
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Post by preraph on May 10, 2008 11:35:07 GMT -5
It's HARD to find a good gyn that isn't baby-obsessed. You need to tell them up front you're NOT here for OB or fertility and, given the choice, would prefer NOT to be fertile. I, too, have gotten this same thing. He was an old ob/gyn (the last ob I ever went to) and he just couldn't get it through his head I didn't CARE that I was infertile. I never went back. I had brought him my whole story and evidence and it was clear he either didn't look at it or didn't understand the implications. His parting words, after me saying over and over I didn't WANT to get pregnant were standing there smiling like an idiot saying "You're liable to end up pregnant some day." My parting words were "That's impossible." WHO do these people think they are??? If there had been a senior partner to complain to, I would have, and you should to. It doesn't matter if it makes them mad. They can't just stop giving care. But I would NOT go back to her again, and I would complain about her and then I'd do what I did and go to someone and pony up the money just to get some REAL health care, because I have been assured by my general physician that I should NOT go to OBs because he says they do not generally keep up with anything that doesn't involve babies. He told me to find someone who specializes in only GYN, not OB, and in my case, hormone therapy. It was great advice. Now, they are HARD to find. And even with the internet, you will probably just have to call and talk to a nurse who knows their doctor's specialty and just ask her point-blank is he mainly OB or does he keep up with GYN matters unrelated to fertility. Also, look in the phone book. Sometimes you will see doctors have added info to their listing, like "menopause" and "hormone therapy," and that is a GOOD indicator they are not just handling young women who wish to become pregnant but are encouraging nonfertile women.
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Post by Tabetha on May 10, 2008 16:49:50 GMT -5
When I was living in NJ, my GYN retired, so I was looking for a new one so I could get yearly exams and get my bc needs taken care of until my husband got his vasectomy.
The new GYN did the pap smear, etc. and all was going well enough when I brought up my birth control needs. She became rather hostile and said, "You're young and married, why do you need birth control?" When I told her that we didn't want to have kids she went ballistic and said, "Well, if you turn up pregnant don't expect this office to do your abortion!" (DUH...the whole idea about taking birth control/ him getting the snip was so I wouldn't "turn up pregnant"!)
Shocked beyond belief (I was in my early 20's), I paid the bill and left. I found out where the nearest Planned Parenthood was and wherever I've lived, they have been my GYN provider.
However, living in conservative Charleston, SC (the 2nd largest city in South Carolina) the nearest PP Office is in Columbia, SC...almost 2 hours away so I usually make my GYN visit part of a larger daytrip.
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Post by kentuckykimmie on May 10, 2008 16:54:54 GMT -5
You are NOT alone! Every GYN I have ever visited also delivered babies. The waiting room was nearly always full of pregnant women or women who were "trying" to get pregnant. In Montgomery Al, where I am basically from, not ONE SINGLE OBGYN will perform a tubal ligation unless you have given birth to two or more kids. I was nearly 40 years old the last time I checked around in that entire area to locate a doctor who would do a tubal, and there were none. My doctor said that I might change my mind. No doctor around here in this area of Kentucky will do them either, unless you have had two or more kids. They used to tell me they would do one for me after I became 35 years old, but even then they came back with the "you may change your mind..." excuse. So, basically they had lied to me when they said they would do one after I turned 35. They do NOT like to sterilize women for some reason, but most any doc has no problem sterilizing a man at any age and regardless of his parental status, JUST because he wants to become sterile. What an unfair double standard, and impossible to lie about having had kids already, or I would have already lied about it. Even abortion clinics in many areas don't offer sterilization, which makes NO sense what so ever.
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Post by lys on May 10, 2008 20:19:53 GMT -5
I love my Gyn Dr. He rules! I just went about 2 weeks ago, not once does he mention babies. He asked me why do I need birth control pills if I dont have anyone, but I didnt care. I told him I like to know when Im going to get it. The only thing I can suggest is to go to a male Dr., if you can, and if you dont mind being seen by a male Dr.
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Post by preraph on May 10, 2008 20:23:56 GMT -5
I think Tabetha is right. If possible, go to Planned Parenthood. And even if they aren't in your immediate area, they may have a list of doctors more sympathetic to birth control measures and refer you to someone. I think that is their main purpose.
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Post by Karlita on May 10, 2008 20:47:40 GMT -5
Keep in mind that doctors are people too, and some of them are the baby obsessed jerks that we can't stand. Fortunately, you can tell a doctor off and go to a different one most of the time. Most people "doctor shop" for those who will give them pills but us childfree must do so for those who understand us.
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Post by whalehugger on May 11, 2008 6:42:59 GMT -5
My first OBGYN understood where I was coming from. I was going to him for my checkups when I started dating my hubby and asked to be scripted for BC pills. When he asked why, I told him that I wasn't sure where the relationship was heading, but I wanted to be prepared. He gave me the script without a fuss saying that he wished his other patients thought things out that far ahead.
When I lived in Charleston after we were married, my GYN was a good man. He knew up front that we didn't want children and didn't try to talk us into it. When my depressions started getting worse, I needed to go off the pills as they were a large contributing factor, so we talked about having surgery for a tubal ligation. He had no problem with doing it, but he was worried about giving me anesthesia due to my weight and depression problems, so he suggested my hubby have the snip instead (which Sweetie was more than happy to do). I remained on the pills just long enough for Ted to recover from surgery and be tested for lack of swimmers.
Today, I don't see an OBGYN at all. My GP performs my physicals and PAP smears and if there's a problem or I decide I really want to talk with a GYN, then we'll go take that step. It doesn't look like I need to since my menopause happened without a hitch and so far I haven't needed any hormonal therapy to deal with it. Everything just came to a stop.
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Post by lys on May 11, 2008 9:16:57 GMT -5
I think the common factor is female vs. male Drs. Whalehuggers Dr. was a male and didnt give her a problem.
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Post by preraph on May 11, 2008 11:55:56 GMT -5
No, don't think it's male/female thing, because the one who was an idiot with me was male.
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Post by whalehugger on May 11, 2008 12:51:24 GMT -5
I agree with Preraph - I don't think male/female has that much to do with it. Maybe it's more of a generation thing? I was visiting the Charleston OBGYN back in the early 1990's, so he might have been a lot more open to such things as CF, or at least willing to think that a woman can make up her own mind about having or not having kids.
Another thing is I wonder if it has to do with my age at the time I was seeing these guys? I was 31 when I first went on the pill, and older than that with the doc in Charleston. Maybe they figured by that age I definitely know my own mind?
Edited to add - no matter what the reason, I don't think these docs who seem to think they know what we want should be harrassing their patients to do something they don't agree with (i.e. have children). They don't stop to realize that we are the ones paying their salaries.
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Post by happy2bchildfree on May 11, 2008 14:22:41 GMT -5
Wow, you guys have had some awful experiences. I never had an OB/GYN hassle me about babies other than offhandedly telling me I might change my mind at some point and refusing to do the tubal while I was still in my 20s. None of them pushed the issue, though, or got obnoxious about it.
Whenever I asked for birth control, it was given to me no questions asked, even when I was 18 years old.
Maybe the region of the country has something to do with it, or maybe it just depends on the individual doctor and his/her own feelings.
I never did like having to sit in the waiting room full of pregnant women, though, or see all the baby-related pictures, magazines, etc. At one point I saw a doctor who did Internal Medicine/GYN and saw only female patients but did not do obstetrics.
Since I do not need birth control and am done with postmenopausal hormones, and have no other female issues, I just have my primary doctor do my female exam/pap, and she can send me to a GYN if need be.
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Erin
Full Member
Posts: 112
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Post by Erin on May 12, 2008 1:22:35 GMT -5
I've only had one occasion when I felt a little uncomfortable. My primary care dr. in CT (before we moved) did my paps. I've never been to a gynecologist - guess just having my dr. do it in the office is fine for me. Anyway, my Navy dr. was sick or had a family emergency and I was like 6 months past my yearly exam date & really wanted to get seen so I made an appt. w/a nurse practitioner on the base (who was a civilian.) She looked to be in her 50's and was very nice and believe it or not did my actual pap in a minute. She made it a lot more relaxing than the other dr's who took forever before getting the samples. I got dressed and had a few questions about birth control pills. I told her that my husband and I definitely don't want kids anytime soon and is being on the pill I'm on - if taken regularly and avoiding things that will lessen its effectiveness - will prevent pregnancy. She said yes. **I wanted to ask her because there were a bunch of Navy wives who kept talking about how "so-in-so" got pregnant while on the pill, accidents do happen, if it was meant to be it was meant to be. It really got me worried. I thought I'm taking mine at the same time and have been for 7 years and have never had a problem. So these crazy Navy wives freaked me out big time and it all went to my head.** So I'm talking to her and asked her and of course she said it's highly unlikely unless I was on an antibiotic and didn't use a back-up. Or herbal supplements, things like that. My friend back in Chicago had just found out she was pregnant and it was totally unexpected but she even told me that she knew something was up becuase they were messing with her birth control. (I think they lowered the hormone dose.) So I had that on my mind too. The fear of getting pregnant while on the pill. I explained how we didn't want kids and she reassured me that the pill was highly effective if taken correctly. But then she throws at me this little statement....it was something like, "Well Erin, you know that nature wants you to have babies." (Like she was trying to say "You know Erin, nature wants you to have babies so even if you're on the pill sometimes nature may win over the medecine.") I was 26, just had figured out that being childfree was ok, and hearing about other Navy wives getting pregnant while on the pill (and some even while on the pill and had used a back-up) just scared me. Frankly my husband and I think some of the Navy wives are just trying to get pregant on purpose and are not taking it correctly. I think there's no way someone could get pregnant while using 2 forms of b.c. It doesn't seem medically possible. Unless someone had super eggs and super sperm. Many of those Navy wives said the pill alone isn't good enough and 2 forms of b.c. is best. I'm married and don't want to use condoms and felt that my current b.c. was working fine. So did my husband. Why I started to question the effectiveness of the pill is beyond me. I guess you could say I was very impressionable at the time because I had just realized a lot. So hearing her say that to me really p***ed me off! I left feeling like I was reassured but then had that zinger in there about how nature may win. I haven't had a pap since then b.c. I'm not due yet but it really bugged me. I don't even remember what I said back to her because I was so shocked. I think I just said I guess so. I'm not quite sure why she said what she did. It's almost as if after telling her that Joshua and I don't want kids probably never opened the door for her to say something to me to get me thinking.
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Post by clsmarathon on May 12, 2008 11:11:39 GMT -5
Nope, I didn't have a problem.
In fact, my doctors were supportive enough that instead of forcing me to undergo nasty hormonal therapies to "retain my fertility," BOTH of the gyns I saw consented to me having a hysterectomy at age 27. It has solved my medical mystery problems (that I've had since puberty) and has made me a much happier person.
I did have doctors giving me crap about birth control earlier on in life. . .I wanted to get a Mirena IUD when I was 25 and had to go to three different doctors within my HMO before I found one that would do it. Small price to pay, IMO.
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Post by nokidsplease87 on May 12, 2008 14:43:07 GMT -5
I've never really been harassed by my doctor's / GYN's about my BC or my childfree choice. I imagine that's partly because of my age, though. It seems like doctor's (and people in general) grow more 'concerned' about such things as the woman gets older.
I did have a little "discussion" with my first gyno when I went to get on the bc shot originally. He asked me why I wanted to get bc (which is a stupid question) and I told him "because I don't want kids". He said "Why don't you just stop having sex, then?". I said "Because I don't want to, and its my body". He said ok, and that was that. Then only other opposition I really had was when I went to get my tubes tied and my gyno (my current one) asked me, repeatedly, if I was sure about my decision. He also had my mom sign the same paper that I did, stating that I was of sound mind and that I had carefully considered my decision, etc. So all in all, I haven't had any bad experiences with my CF decision in that regard. Certainly less than I thought I would.
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Post by lys on May 12, 2008 16:50:16 GMT -5
No, don't think it's male/female thing, because the one who was an idiot with me was male. Ok, my misatake, it sounded like the ones who didnt give women problems were male, but never mind
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Post by preraph on May 12, 2008 17:43:11 GMT -5
I WISH it were that simple. Then it would be a lot easier to avoid! Just judging by the percentage of male/female flamers at this site being mostly women, I have to guess that there's more of them getting self-righteous about it in the doctor world too. I mean, we want to think that women doctors would be progressive and pro-choice and pro-women, but let's face it, they chose a vocation where you see babies into the world, so the odds are totally stacked against you, whether they're male or female.
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Post by grayjedi on May 14, 2008 16:12:24 GMT -5
I've been very lucky - my GYN has never brought up the subject of me having children. Even last year, when I mentioned I'd gotten married, she just said "Congratulations!" and not "Are you having any kids?" I hope she stays that way - she's very cool, and is a nerd like me.
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Post by malagata on May 15, 2008 9:05:38 GMT -5
That is why I love Planned Parenthood. They are relatively cheap, fast and generally don't ask too many questions. It is my preferred GYN with or without insurance. They are caring and compassionate and all female. I once had a male doctor tell me I had the lumpiest most cauliflower like breasts he had ever seen...I went to him scared out of my mind that I had breast cancer because I found a lump and this is what he tells me! So caring. I mean...what woman wants to hear that? No no you are fine, your just a freak of nature...
Jerk.
I went to Planned Parenthood for a check up soon after and I am fine. I will not go elsewhere and would gladly drive 1,000 miles to get to one if I had to.
I don't understand why they don't just sell BC over the counter anyway. I hate going for these yearly invasives!
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