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Post by gothique on Dec 10, 2007 0:04:45 GMT -5
I guess I should tell a little about myself. My real name is Lisa and I am 26 years old. I have been with my fiance for a little over 9 1/2 years and we are getting married on our 10 year anniversary on May 3rd of next year. I am an only child and really never gave any thought about whether I wanted kids or not. I always spouted "When I have kids someday.." when I was in my teens because the phrase was meaningless to me at the time. I figured well I'm a female and 90% of females have kids so I guess one day I will too. It wasn't really until I was in my 20's that I just decided that kids really aren't for me. To be honest I'd be a horrible mom. I'd be the type of mother that parks her kid in front of the TV so I could smoke pot in the bathroom or do something else equally stupid. I enjoy my disposable income, peace and quiet and being able to party at the drop of a hat. My fiance doesn't really care either way if we have one or not. He believes it's all a woman's choice in the end, but I worry that he'll regret it because he has two little sisters and he loves to spend time with them. The only thing that made me think twice about about motherhood was when I lost my ovary this past August die to endometriosis. It came as quite a shock to me because I was always a healthy horse with normal periods before that. One day I went for an Ultrasound for something completely unrelated and they discovered my ovaries were the size of tennis balls. They also said there was a 1% chance of it being cancer. I mean I don't want children, but I would like to have everything in working order in case I change my mind later in life. At least I only have to get a tube tied should I decide to get sterilized..lol.. Well that's pretty much it if you want to know anything more here's my MySpace profile: www.myspace.com/mildlyunwellbastard
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Post by spanielmom on Dec 12, 2007 21:56:06 GMT -5
Hi, I'm brand new to this forum but I have to say it sure is a relief to see other women with the same views as me! I'm 27 and never really thought about actually having children until I was in my 20's. The more and more I thought about it the more the idea scared me! I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy who means more than anything to my boyfriend and I. She's the most precious thing in the world and the best part is she can't steal my car in the middle of the night, she can't talk back to me, she can't get pregnant (because she's fixed!) and all she wants is a lap to sit on ;D
I don't want kids for my own selfish (very selfish) reasons. I'm terrified of being pregnant and the thought of what the pregnancy could do to my body! Ooooh the stretch marks and extra flab on me, no thanks! Everyone always says, "oh you can lose the weight and the stretch marks fade". But why should I have to deal with the pregnancy, birth and extra weight if the man only has to plant the seed? Not fair!
Now for the not so selfish reasons (and reasons I see a lot of others have)...I just don't like kids. I don't know how to act around them and I always feel very awkward every time I'm over at my boyfriends brothers house who has 2 kids. I'm an only child and am one of the youngest of my cousins so I've never really had to interact with children younger than me. I'm working on a career that I don't want to give up and I don't want to give up 20some odd years of my life until they move out. You always hear how couples are either much happier when the kids move out, or how they don't have anything to talk about any more. I want a happy marriage from start to finish, not "after the kids move out".
To help the matter out, my mom always tells me she doesn't care for grandchildren, so I don't get any of that pressure from family. My dad would probably be mad at me for having kids with (in his words) "all the problems these days in this screwed up world." I guess they had their fill with me! haha. I never understood the parents who bug their kids to have children so they have grandbabies. What is to love about stinky dirty diapers? I don't get it.
The only thing that makes me worry about not having kids is that (again selfish...) who's going to take care of my funeral?!? I don't have any siblings or younger family so I'm scared I'll be an old lady who know one knows died (if my husband dies first). Does anyone else have this fear?
thanks for listening!
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Post by grayjedi on Dec 14, 2007 20:39:21 GMT -5
I'm 27, recently married (Aug 23), husband and I firmly agree that we're Not "Kid" People, and Definitely Not The Parenting Type. We want to do so much - work towards jobs we love (his job is a stepping stone to his dream career, I went back to school this fall to pursue mine), travel all over the world, find our perfect house and get a whole bunch of dogs. When I was a kid, I figured I would "follow the script" and have my own kids one day, but as I got older it was less appealing. I baby-sat for a couple of the neighbor kids, but I was so terrible at it I was never asked back!!! Perfectly OK with me. ;D In the last 10 years I've come to the conclusion that I don't want kids at all, and am toying with the idea of sterilization. (Husband is more than happy to get a vasectomy, but I'm paranoid about it not taking - same with tubal ligation - hysterectomy, here I come!) Lately it seems like every time we turn around, someone else we know is pregnant. There's been a baby boomlet among our friends & relatives recently - 8 in the last year and a half! - but thankfully they're all far away enough that we don't see them more than a few times a year. Even our downstairs neighbors have a new baby... which is perfecting the art of crying, LOUDLY, at precisely the moment I start to fall asleep... Recently I learned one of my oldest & closest friends is pregnant, which has really bummed me out... we were going to "conquer the world", so to speak, and now she's going the domestic route. I'm happy that she's happy, but that's about it. We don't see much of each other as it is (she moved a few years back so we're mostly phone friends these days), and I definitely don't want to make a rare trip to see her in person, only to have to work around the kid's schedule. I was feeling pretty down about it, so I searched for some CF links and found this wonderful place!! It's so refreshing to find a group who doesn't feel the need to add MORE humans to the planet, and who I'm sure will never give me the Glare of Death when I roll my eyes at yet another screeching child..
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Post by preraph on Dec 14, 2007 20:48:15 GMT -5
You sound pretty resolute. I really think if your hubby wants a vasectomy, rejoice and let him get one. It's MUCH less traumatic than anything you would have to do, much. There is a thread on here with guys telling you their experiences. No regrets either, and little recovery time. I think they are pretty foolproof, though you can sometimes have them surgically reversed, with limited success.
Welcome to the message board!
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Post by trendkiller7x on Dec 16, 2007 16:35:01 GMT -5
Hello everyone! I've posted here (I think once) in reply to another topic...glad to see an intro thread!
Anyway, I'm a 30-year-old female. I've always been pretty sure I didn't want kids. Went through a brief fencesitter period when I was married to my ex, but that's it. I thought, and researched, enough about having kids to realize that I wanted to remain childfree for life. Being around them helped too, LOL. The divorce was a good thing for us both, because he remarried and had the son he wanted. I went back to school, got a degree and a great job, and eventually developed a relationship with a wonderful childfree man.
We don't even catch much static from our relatives for our choice - a lot of joking, but that's it. I think they know arguing with us about that is an exercise in futility.
I'm kind of like Preraph; I don't mind being around kids if they're older. Elementary school age is OK, even fun in some cases. Anything younger than that and I'm not a happy camper.
We have 3 beautiful cats whom we adore. My boyfriend's mom calls them her grandkitties. She even bought them toys for Christmas, LOL!
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Post by preraph on Dec 16, 2007 19:27:23 GMT -5
Oh, how nice to have relatives who spoil your animals. I had an aunt make a pillow with a lab on it that looked JUST LIKE my favorite old dog. Unfortunately a future dog destuffed that pillow, but the face of it is still intact and going to get a new back someday. My mom bought my dog a small quilt, and my sister and friends sometimes buy my animals stuff. This year they have more under the tree than I do!
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Post by nativenewyorker on Dec 19, 2007 14:41:29 GMT -5
I LOVE it when I get gifts for my dog & usually buy (and wrap) gifts for relative's dogs for Christmas.
I usually buy my lovely lab a toy when I go food-shopping. She's so spoiled that whenever I come home from shopping ANYWHERE she immediately goes through any plastic bags I bring home in search of toys.
She's spoiled rotten, I tell ya!
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Post by captainatom on Dec 27, 2007 2:39:48 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I'm Paul, am 53 and have never wanted children as far back as I can remember. Even though I divorced over the issue many years ago, I've never regretted not fathering the little buggers. I was very lucky to find my present wife of 11 years. She also never wanted nor had kids. Pretty rare. Had to go all the way to France to find her.
So what has my life been like without kids? In a word, fantastic! I've traveled to many fun places, had interesting jobs and live a quiet, comfortable life in France on relatively little money.
Glad to be here and look forward to meeting you all.
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Post by preraph on Dec 27, 2007 11:54:39 GMT -5
Hi Paul, Glad you found us. Sounds like a wonderful life!
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Post by captainatom on Dec 27, 2007 13:58:33 GMT -5
Hi! Thanks for the welcome. Happy Holidays!
Paul
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Post by ln1221 on Dec 27, 2007 20:59:34 GMT -5
Hi All, Just reading all these boards almost brings me to tears! It's a breath of fresh air to find that there truly are others out there that feel like I do! I do not hate children, I just don't want my own. At times I find myself holding a friends' newborn & thinking "maybe someday" but then they start to scream and/or mess themself (in one of the many ways they can) and I am quickly snapped back into reality of "nope, not for me." When my husband & I were first dating I told him that I didn't want children and he looked at me as though I said "I like to stab puppies" and I thought it was over, well being the intellectual that he is he processed the info for a while & eventually joined me on "the dark side" as some of my friends and family have put it. We have almost no one who gets our decision & it's really hard sometimes. I did have one friend who is now the mother of a 9 month old tell me that "I get your choice now, I went into motherhood blindly believing that this is what I wanted & while I love it, I have a lot of respect for you making the informed decision that you don't want it for yourself" which meant so much to me. It's hard when everyone around us has babies and/or is pregnant. They all act as though it's a slap in the face that we don't want kids. I heard someone mention on here that they first told people that they were infertile & I can totally relate. It feels like it's the only way to shut people up, but I don't want to feel that I have to resort to that either. In any event, it's SO nice to find a place where others understand the decision to be childfree & the struggles that go along with it. Thank you for being here!
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Post by Tabetha on Dec 27, 2007 21:18:04 GMT -5
Yes those who respect the products of their own mind and embrace self-questioning and rational thought are often tolerant of the childfree choice. You are lucky to have your partner's support!
Welcome to the board!
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Post by ana on Dec 28, 2007 13:18:04 GMT -5
I find I resort to ignoramus' with the infertile comment just to shut them up. I start with the real, logical response that we chose not to have kids but sometimes you get idiots that don't let up.
I remember saying that to an overbearing, fat jackass who thought that all women needed to reproduce to be real women. I couldn't get him to leave me alone at a party and he kept following me from room to room. I just didn't care if he got "it". I didn't need his approval to live my life. I even told him that, along with 'don't talk to me" and 'leave me alone!'
After the infertile comment, with a few crocodile tears thrown in, he left me the h*ll alone!
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Post by preraph on Dec 28, 2007 14:36:02 GMT -5
He was hoping to find someone he could make feel inferior so he could feel better himself and maybe even have a little power over you. Sadly, his plans were thwarted!
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Post by shell on Jan 1, 2008 19:05:58 GMT -5
Hello Everyone, I am new here, and I love this site! I have never wanted to have children, and am lucky to have met my husband who is of the same mindset. I am approaching 40, and we have been together for 15 years. We are very happy and do not regret our decision at all. We love the freedom we have, and have many pets to care for including dogs, cats and horses. We know very few people who have made the same decision as us though, and I still do get frustrated by people's 'opinions' about it. We used to live in the city, but live in a rural area now that is very family oriented, and I am considered somewhat of a freak! But that is OK, I know we are happy, and many of those who judge us just wish they were as happy as us. Funny how people feel it is an obligation to have children, as though they do not have a choice. That is sad. Anyways, I am so happy to have found this site filled with like-minded people!! I knew there were many others out there somewhere!!!! Shell
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Post by preraph on Jan 1, 2008 22:42:49 GMT -5
Hi Shell, we're so glad you found this site. Sounds like you guys have my dream life. Hopefully if you feel like freaks, THEY feel like geeks.
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Post by shell on Jan 2, 2008 10:25:42 GMT -5
Thanks for the welcome! I am enjoying the reading here, sounds like a great bunch! And I am so happy to see all the animal lovers, because we are too! Yeah, we are happy overall, but those people who judge me still do get to me (in a big way) from time to time - geeks indeed!! lol And Cute pup! Shell
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Post by preraph on Jan 2, 2008 12:23:12 GMT -5
Beautiful paint! Our first horse when I was a kid was a paint. I'd love to have some horses to tend to now.
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Post by shell on Jan 2, 2008 21:37:00 GMT -5
Hi! Thanks, that is my Mare "Panda". She is bred to foal in April, and I am excited. So I am sort of 'expecting', right??? lol I do like spending time with my horses. I have more pics on my website www.bigskylamb.com. Check them out!
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Post by Tabetha on Jan 2, 2008 22:02:44 GMT -5
Hi! Thanks, that is my Mare "Panda". She is bred to foal in April, and I am excited. So I am sort of 'expecting', right??? lol I do like spending time with my horses. I have more pics on my website www.bigskylamb.com. Check them out! I clicked on your gallery...so many great pictures! Your cat, Bones is a sweetie...does he actually let you pet his belly or is he one of the ticklish cats (like most of mine were)?
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