pc1965
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by pc1965 on Jan 12, 2008 22:30:38 GMT -5
They are Italian Greyhounds, hence the names Prada and Versace I also had one named Armani but she died in a hit and run I have no idea how I managed to catch them in a perfect post like that. All I had was my Treo at the time which is why the quality is not great.
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Post by Tabetha on Jan 12, 2008 23:01:38 GMT -5
They are Italian Greyhounds, hence the names Prada and Versace I also had one named Armani but she died in a hit and run I have no idea how I managed to catch them in a perfect post like that. All I had was my Treo at the time which is why the quality is not great. Aw, they're cute! I love how close they are sitting together! Treo, huh...I'm also a Palm PDA user as well (Palm TX), though I also have a Pocket PC.
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Nova
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by Nova on Jan 13, 2008 9:41:10 GMT -5
Looks like there are a lot of new members joining! Count me in too. I'm so happy to find that there is a community of people who have decided to not have children. I'm 31 and most of my friends and family members are starting to drop litters. Honestly, I have never had any longing or biological drive to reproduce. For me, it just seems totally irrational when you weigh all the cons against the pros (what are those again?). Anyway, I find myself becoming more and more defensive of my choice. The pressure just seems to be growing lately. Glad to see some like minded people that I can chat with. About me: I'm in law school (1L) and looking forward to doing some study abroad in China this summer (hopefully). I did a program in Japan in 2005 - which was a blast. I have been with my DH for 6 years and we both are 100% against spawning. We are planning on doing a lot of traveling with all the time and money we are going to save!
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Post by preraph on Jan 13, 2008 13:13:44 GMT -5
Hi Nova - You sound like you have plenty to do without having children. I have a friend with a high genius IQ and two masters who flunked out of law school! But she had trouble focusing - -really. And she did it when she was 50. Hah. Anyway, welcome to the board!
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Post by Tabetha on Jan 13, 2008 16:17:32 GMT -5
About me: I'm in law school (1L) and looking forward to doing some study abroad in China this summer (hopefully). I did a program in Japan in 2005 - which was a blast. I have been with my DH for 6 years and we both are 100% against spawning. We are planning on doing a lot of traveling with all the time and money we are going to save! Welcome to the board, Nova! Can you imagine doing all that interesting travel with kids in tow?
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Nova
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by Nova on Jan 14, 2008 17:30:06 GMT -5
Yeah, law school is really time consuming. But my DH's relatives still ask when I'm going to give his mom grandkids. Um, kinda busy now guys Plus, as T. Dunn pointed out, there is no way that I would be able to do these study abroad programs or all the other foreign travel that I have lined up. Actually, the travel is my main drive for getting an advanced degree. It's the whole "work hard, play hard" thing.
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Post by kentuckykimmie on Jan 16, 2008 11:45:43 GMT -5
hello there,
from my earliest memory i never wanted to be a mother. contrary to what some may think i had a "normal" life complete without abuse and WITH both parents still married. i am 45 and my husband is 30 and both of us experienced what i believe to be the maker or breaker of the childfree by choice community, especially for those who may be fence riders. that is: RAISING OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN.
if i had any lingering doubts as to my desires to become a parent they were quickly dispelled by being a stepmother for someone else's kid from the ages of 2-15. those were the most miserable years of my life and i wouldn't wish that heartache on anyone. my husband had the same eye opening experience only his his sentence wasn't quite as long as mine.
i guess my "title" should be changed from childfree by choice to " adultswithchild-free" because most adults are far worse to be around than any child could even attempt to become. we love our neice and nephews and children are drawn to me for some reason, so it's not so much the kids we don't like but the parents and the general attitude of society that EVERYTHING should be "kid friendly".
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Post by preraph on Jan 16, 2008 12:43:37 GMT -5
Isn't that the truth? It's like the plague. Nothing speaks the truth like experience. Welcome to the board, KentuckyKimmie!
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Post by fbrittt on Jan 16, 2008 22:23:37 GMT -5
hello all, this is my first post. i've been reading a lot of threads on this and on bellaonline and it's been so amazingly helpful to my process. i suppose you could call me a fence-sitter that's leaning way more towards no (more and more every day). the crazy thing for me is that not only did i always assume i'd have/want to have kids until a few years ago (i'm 31), but i absolutely adore children. i love kids at every age and genuinely enjoy being around them (most of the time). i have been working with teens for the past 8 years and love my work and love my kids. teens are probably my favorite age group (some of you probably are thinking i'm crazy!) and i get so much joy and fulfillment from this work. i even, jokingly, say i want to adopt a kid every now and then (i'm a sucker for the kids that never got the love and structure they needed). all of this has led me (and everyone else in my life) to assume that i'd be eager to have a child of my own. however, the truth is, i'm thinking more and more that that would be a horrible reality for me. it's been a couple of years that i've been trying to reconcile these seemingly conflicting realities. lately though, i realize that they may not be mutually exclusive. loving kids and wanting to devote my life to caring for/advocating for/educating them is not anything like raising a child. my work is my passion and definitely something i'm meant to do, but i no longer think i'm meant to be a parent. the truth is, having a child would limit my ability to do my work--to have energy for it and to prioritize it. i can think of a hundred reasons why i don't want to parent. what i think it comes down to really though is something my mom said to me. she said that there are always a million reasons to doubt and worry and think having kids will be hard, but that if you truly have the desire, you're willing to take that leap . . . however, if that desire isn't there, it's not there. i'll stop for now. sorry for the long post, but i could go on and on. i'm just now starting to really express this stuff and it feels liberating. i'll spare you all for a little while though thanks for creating this community!
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Post by mtcrowe on Jan 17, 2008 17:43:04 GMT -5
Hello everyone. I'm kentuckykimmie's husband . I've been cursed with a family tradition. My great great great grandfather started this thing where the first born male of the first born male got the middle name of Thomas. So, it landed on me and the whole family expects me to carry on the tradition. Any thoughts of wanting kids was squashed when I had to help raise two step-kids. I'm much happier with my cats, than a kid. My mom finally gave up on the whole tradition thing and moved to hinting at me to give her a grand-daughter since my sister had two boys. At least that is easier to fight than a standing family tradition on a middle name.
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Post by preraph on Jan 17, 2008 22:59:42 GMT -5
Wow, no pressure there! I mean, being a woman, I can tell you for sure that if I went through labor or an operation and birthed a child, I would, by God, definitely be the one who got to name it!! To me, that's one of the fun things of having pets, using all those names you always liked. Now, my dad, he named all black cats Booger and all Siamese cats Tiger. No matter what the rest of us named them.
Welcome aboard, mtcrowe!
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Post by nativenewyorker on Jan 17, 2008 23:09:30 GMT -5
fbritt,
I can totally relate. Kids are also drawn to me and for the most part I find them cute & fun. One of my jobs is teaching private music lessons to kids & I find it at times both inspiring and stressful! Some of my students I truly love! Actually, dealing with the parents can be a REAL horror. And, I also prefer teaching the teenagers.
Though I like kids, the role of parenthood is another can of worms altogether and one that I have no interest in assuming. Parenthood is a 24/7, time-consuming, exhausting job and one that I always knew was not for me. In fact, when I look at the harried, stressed-out zombie look in the parents' eyes that I meet I am secretly relieved that's not my lifestyle!
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Post by fbrittt on Jan 19, 2008 1:11:19 GMT -5
"Parenthood is a 24/7, time-consuming, exhausting job"
absolutely! i just cannot imagine having no time that is just for me. i already feel like i have so little and if i had a child, i'd have almost none and it would be given to me when my kid happened to not have any needs for a few minutes (e.g. when sleeping). whenever i hear a parent friend of mine say something like, "i couldn't wait to put him down (i.e., for a nap). " or "he wouldn't go down for his nap; i was going crazy." or "thank goodness he slept a few extra minutes today. i was so thrilled!" i absolutely cringe! i think of what it must feel like to have someone need you constantly and just be waiting for those few hours of peace and quiet. ACK!
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Post by preraph on Jan 19, 2008 14:33:02 GMT -5
And the horrible thing is that even when they're finally asleep and you get your 30 minutes or hour or whatever it is, you can't do anything with it but sit within earshot and wait. It's not like you can go out for lunch or something. I just think child rearing is for people who really love all that or those who have plenty of support to help them, whether it be money or friends and family -- which is, of course, why everyone wants everyone else to have kids.
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Post by tinroofer on Jan 19, 2008 17:30:08 GMT -5
This is my first post. So...Hi Everybody.
I recently have come to the decision to be CF. It was a hard choice to make since I am married and my hubby wants them. Besides never really buying into the whole cult of mother hood, pregnancy/birthing-phobic (imagining the chest-explosion scene from Alien only a little further south), or thinking they were adorable even as I watch them puke, it's just not right for me for because I have a histroy of depression and multiple sclerosis. Neither of these things has been a deal-breaker for many women suffering with these illnesses but for me it just didn't seem right to have a child I really wasnt interested in having and then be fatigued even more than I already am. With the MS there is also the possibility of it getting worse over the years as well, making the potential children into caregivers to some extent. (I grew up with a much older father with health issues. He had me when he was 53, my sister and I were his second family)
The hubster knows how I feel and he can see the benefits of remaining CF as far as money and travel but part of him wants to be a father and to have a child to carry on the family name since he is the last of his line. To thier credit, his parents have not asked but it is only a matter of time. I have already told my husband that if this is a deal-breaker for him then we can get this over with and go our seperate ways. I do not want him to stay hoping that I will change my mind then be resentful when I do not or stay just because of my illness. He doesn't really want to talk about it so I guess he wants to avoid it until I hit menopause. (I'm 31, by the way) He is an only child and now to contemplate not doing exactly what he always thought he would/should do is kind of hard for him. He wavers but maybe he'll come around.
It has been helpful to me to speak with other CF people that I know through my job and several other friends locally. This forum has also been a major help as I have read through the postings. The more I've openly discussed it, the better I've felt about my choice.
We have 2 pets, a German Shep mix dog and a black shorthair cat. Both were rescues. Maybe I'll get pics of them up at some point. We also have a few fish but they aren't photogenic or cuddly.
Anyway, glad to be here. ~TR
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Post by happy2bchildfree on Jan 19, 2008 18:27:48 GMT -5
Welcome to the board.
My first marriage fell apart (in part) because my then-husband wanted children and had married me because he thought I would "come around". There were other issues--and I think those issues could have been resolved--but the fact remained that he wanted children and I didn't. So we parted ways.
Health issues was one of my reasons for choosing to be childfree. Even if I'd wanted children, I would have thought long and hard about having them because of my health issues.
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Post by preraph on Jan 19, 2008 18:55:07 GMT -5
I think any debilitating illness, and certainly MS, is reason not to have a child. I only know one person with MS, and it is true her only son had to be the caretaker in many ways. Not to mention the kids grow up with the uncertainty what will become of their mom and also feel guilt when it is their time to move on and start their own family. And from the standpoint of placing an HUGE extra burden on your already over-burdened self just seems crazy. I can't IMAGINE that anyone would criticize you for making this decision. I hope everything works out for the best.
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Nova
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by Nova on Jan 19, 2008 21:34:52 GMT -5
imagining the chest-explosion scene from Alien only a little further south hah! That's how I think about it too -- totally parasitic Also - glad to see others from KY on here. I'm in LEX.
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Post by tinroofer on Jan 20, 2008 10:36:59 GMT -5
Preraph, I had a hematology appointment and the doc kept asking me if I'd ever been pg and I kept telling her 'no, not to my knowledge'. Apparently there was something going on with my clotting factors or whatever. She said pregancy was doable but I'd have to do some things medication-wise and she was acting as though I needed consoling. I told her not to worry about it, that I wasnt going to have children. She flipped out on me. I thought her head was going to spin around like in The Exorcist. She said , and I swear it all came out rapidly and like one long sentance, - "Are you serious Is this just a knew-jerk reaction to your MS Lots of women with MS have babies How can you decide this now you've just been diagnosed!!?" as if I couldn't possibly have other reasons or be rational about it. I had to go to my happy-place. I just can't deliver a uber-tongue-lashing with the same commitment and conviction as usual when I need a nap. ~TR
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Post by nativenewyorker on Jan 20, 2008 15:49:35 GMT -5
"...which is, of course, why everyone wants everyone else to have kids. .."
I'm starting to agree more and more with this topic. I won't necessarily say "misery loves company" because the bulk of the parents I know truly love parenthood (and God bless'em!). But I will say that my parented friends want others to have the same lifestyle as they do so they can have support, empathy and company. I would imagine that parenthood could get pretty tiresome and lonely (if you're a housewife stuck in a house all day with babies).
But the ironic thing is that no matter how my parented friends go on and on about how wonderful it is to have children and that I don't know what I'm missing - my mind is still resolute - no kids for me!
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