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Post by preraph on Jan 2, 2008 23:21:16 GMT -5
Hi! Thanks, that is my Mare "Panda". She is bred to foal in April, and I am excited. So I am sort of 'expecting', right??? lol I do like spending time with my horses. I have more pics on my website www.bigskylamb.com. Check them out! Oh, how wonderful? Now, see, if I could get pregnant and have a colt, I'd totally do it! Even though they're pesky little brats, too. God, you just want to squeeze their little muzzles!
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Post by shell on Jan 3, 2008 14:01:02 GMT -5
Hello! LOL T: Bones (or as we call him Looger-he somehow got that nickname) is my absolute 'baby', he gets treated better than most kids I think. You can pet his belly, and he often sleeps spralled out on his back. Preraph: Oh yes, you do want to just squeeze their cutest little muzzles!! And yes indeed, can they EVER be little brats. Those little teeth, and little hooves can be nasty! lol So glad this board is so active, I really want to get to know some childfree people!
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Post by ruth59 on Jan 4, 2008 18:18:10 GMT -5
Hello! I'm Ruth, and I am happy to be here. I love coming here and reading about everyone's experiences. The stories are funny as hell!
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Post by preraph on Jan 4, 2008 19:02:55 GMT -5
Hi Ruth, welcome to our little haven!
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Post by shell on Jan 4, 2008 22:03:51 GMT -5
Hi Ruth, Welcome! I am new too, and reading waaaayyy back into the posts. Yes, hilarious, and I can so very closely relate! It is great! Shell
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Post by runnerchick on Jan 6, 2008 14:47:26 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I just joined and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Chris and I live in Michigan. My husband and I are childfree, very much a choice that was good for both of us. We have been togther for 18 years now and our children are three cats Sergei, Lilja and Vladi. We also have two dogs, Joey and Scrappy and one very tempermental ferret named Fozzie. We love our life just the way it is but both of us have been judged for our choice not to have kids. I am glad to of found a place where there are people that understand and support my choice.
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Post by shell on Jan 6, 2008 16:00:46 GMT -5
Hello Chris, Welcome! My husband and I have been together 17 years, and we love our life too, and have been judged too. So I can relate, as probably everyone here can. I am new here myself, just joined last week and find this board fantastic! Lots of pet lovers here too, there is a great thread somewhere where everyone lists their pets and posts pics too. Shell
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Post by greytblackdog on Jan 9, 2008 21:02:03 GMT -5
Hi, everyone. I'm Heather and my husband and I prefer our children to walk on four-legs and with lots of fur - dogs, cats and horses. We've been happily married for seven years and we've always known that we'd be child-free by choice. We're very active in greyhound rescue and enjoy spending our time traveling with our greyt-black-dog, Seka.
My mother chooses to ignore the fact that we're not going to have kids and thinks nagging will increase the chances. My friends and in-laws are supportive, but always end their comments with - maybe you'll change your mind. I'm happy to find this board. Reading through the old posts, I feel like I could have written some of these myself.
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pc1965
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by pc1965 on Jan 9, 2008 22:02:47 GMT -5
Hello! I am a 42 year old child-free attorney living in upstate NY. I don't feel bad about it as I have come to the conclusion that I was not put on this Earth to raise kids.... no regrets, no maternal pangs. I am glad to see there are some pet owners here... I have two IG's and a Savannah kitty who is only 5 months old.
I have been looking for a message board for child-free people but what few I found in the past tend to be hypocritical, so this seems like a refreshing place to be.
I am not only child free but don't want to parent other people's children either by telling them how to raise their kids, as long as their parenting styles don't bother anyone... and since I don't like the child-burdened population criticizing my choice not to breed, I also don't waste my time criticizing those who do.
I just need a place to vent about how we have become a child-worshiping society and how it affects day to day life, where I won't be called selfish for living a life that is not tied down with kids.
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Post by preraph on Jan 9, 2008 23:08:15 GMT -5
Great to have a couple of new members. Welcome to our board. Greytblackdog, there's a BUNCH of animals lovers on the board (guilty!). Photos, please! There's at least two threads for it, and they get thrown in at random as well. The two main ones are under Misc., "OK I admit it - I actually have kids" and "Let's talk about our pets."
PC1965 - Very glad to have you. Please feel free to skip the Bad Parenting category since you're not interested. Since what most of us have in common is no kids and being aggravated by kids and/or parents, it DOES seem to be a big topic of conversation, and admittedly, I am one of the worst offenders. I have an interest in both behavior and victim advocacy, and both those things lead me naturally into being interested in the subject. Although I wouldn't want kids, I have a lot of empathy for those who are being neglected or abused in some way and would go to the wall for them. But there are MANY more subjects to discuss. I hope you'll tell us what your field of law is. I've seen thousands of depos because I do transcription-type editing work for reporters, so I've seen it all and then some. I know a little something about FAR too many subjects, from mold remediation to medical and boring old patents, and I think it has made me into something like that Cliff character on Cheers, who always has something to say about everything. I have a lay-education in just about anything there can be a lawsuit about, I guess, from all the expert testimony. And of course, all the custody/divorce depos have only made me even more cynical than I already was, if that's possible.
Welcome both of you to the board. I hope you find a happy haven here!
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pc1965
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by pc1965 on Jan 9, 2008 23:23:07 GMT -5
Actually I did check out the Bad Parenting section and I didn't find it bothersome. I don't mind people who vent when they are victimized by some form of bad parenting, I was talking more about "kids shouldn't be allowed to do such and such" when it isn't affecting them.
I am actually a divorce lawyer... though I am familiar with what you do because I started out in personal injury law. Family court has actually confirmed my conclusion that I was not meant to be a parent. Between that and being a non-custodial stepmom to 4 unruly kids who I never have to see much, I can pretty well say I am not missing anything.
One thing I find interesting is how candid some of my friends are when looking back on their decisions to have children. Most of their kids are grown, but when I tell them how that isn't my lot in life they say "You know honestly, I love my kids but I can tell you if I had to do it over again I don't think I'd have kids." My husband is actually one of those people as well, though his kids are still young. This is why I found that confessions link interesting, because I am finding people getting more vocal about these regrets.... especially after court takes its toll on them. I think as a society we play up the role of parenthood that we don't realize it isn't meant for everyone.
Wow I have really rambled on a bit here... I am looking forward to talking to all of you and will post some pictures of my wild kingdom soon.
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Post by preraph on Jan 9, 2008 23:37:16 GMT -5
That divorce work has GOT to be stressful. I see some of those cases, the ones in mediation or that have a civil component and a few court hearings, but not often, and I'm glad, because I get SO disgusted with people. The thing that stands out to me is that the men can be going along being cooperative in the divorce and custody right up until they find out their soon-to-be ex is seeing another man. Then every case I've seen, they begin trying to get custody or stop sending payments and don't feel they should have to since she's not sleeping with them anymore and is, in fact, sleeping with another man. Of course, I realize, I am probably only seeing the worst ones or something, not the ones that settle amicably, but it really frightens me to think it all comes down to sex and who's getting it. I guess when you do it all the time like you do, you just have to learn to compartmentalize it or you'd go nuts.
I think you're right about more people reassessing the parenthood question. It's only because it is now optional, of course -- and that's only if you're a strong person who doesn't bow to family and peer-pressure!
Anxious to see the menagerie!
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pc1965
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by pc1965 on Jan 9, 2008 23:58:54 GMT -5
I will have to wait until tomorrow for the pics... they are in my other computer and I have to review your uploading procedures. I try to mediate as much as I can in these cases, at least in those where I am appointed to represent the children. The hardest ones I find are the Dad who doesn't think he should have to pay support because he was "duped" and the Mom who thinks that because she carried the child she has the right to exclude Dad completely. I have to laugh now when judges order "no drinking in the presence of the children" which seemed reasonable before I was a stepmom but now I realize that is when you need it most! There are still a lot of double standards... if Dad does all the housework he is a hero, but from Mom it is considered natural. Conversely, a SAHM is taking care of her kids, but a SAHD is a freeloader. I have really had to emotionally detach from work, whether it is the parents getting to me or the judge appearing to make inconsistent rulings from one case to another just to screw me over I know that isn't the case, it just feels like it some days. I didn't want to get into my husband's ex turning his kids against him and moving away, but I do have to say that marrying a man with kids gave me just enough exposure to know I wasn't meant for child-rearing. I have seen them turn from kids with potential to make something of themselves into spoiled ungrateful beings with a sense of entitlement like you wouldn't believe. Their mother seems to be big on giving them all rights and no responsibilities.... treating them like little gods to be worshiped at all costs. I have learned to say "not my kids, not my problem" and I am at peace with it because it is something I now realize I can't change.
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Post by preraph on Jan 10, 2008 12:50:48 GMT -5
I think lots of times what happens during and after divorce is one or more of the parents end up competing to be the kids' friend just to irk the other parent. And all it does is end up screwing up the kids. Sounds like that may be what went on in your case. Or that he was the only thing keeping her from overindulging them all along. I have to say though, seems like usually it's the man who gets to do all the fun stuff with the kids and the mom who does the dirty work. But it's not always true. Sometimes the man is the one who has to discipline because the mom is too much of a marshmallow. It's probably good I don't have kids if they way I spoil my dogs is any indication!
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Post by absurdbird on Jan 11, 2008 15:14:20 GMT -5
Hi all. I am brand new to the forum and to the whole "childfree" movement. I didn't even know there was one, but it's so nice to know there are lots of you out there.
I was a fence sitter (mostly leaning towards no) until very recently. My 36th birthday is next week and my husband and I had our annual do-we-or-don't-we talk the other night and I pretty much realized that all my doubts were good reasons to put me in the No camp. I used to assume I'd have kids but I've never had any real desire. No biological urge, no ticking clock. Nothing. I like kids okay, but the idea of raising one fills me with horror. I am more likely to coo over a photo of a kitten than a baby, you know?
My mother and sister are going to take this really hard. Anyone have any advice on coming out to the family?
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Post by preraph on Jan 11, 2008 16:23:47 GMT -5
Hi, and welcome to the board!
My advice is be respectful of their choices but be honest and make it clear their choices aren't what you would choose. Don't get into philosophical discussions. Just say "You know, there has just always been things I'd rather do, and there still is," or "we're happy with things the way they are and enjoying our lives" and throw in what you just said about not particularly being a baby person and that it sounds like a lot of trouble or whatever. Make sure everyone you tell knows it's a mutual decision between you and your spouse so there's no room for them to blame the spouse for the decision. When they start saying "but it's different when it's your own" and "but you'll wish you had later" and "but who will take care of you when you're old," stop them and say, "You know, we've both had a long time to think about this, we're both mature adults, and we both agree this is what we want to do and we're happy with the decision." If they keep prodding you, you may have to just point-blank ask them to drop the subject. Hopefully, it won't go that far.
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reisi
New Member
Pets are welcome in my home. Children however, must be on a leash.
Posts: 40
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Post by reisi on Jan 12, 2008 9:49:19 GMT -5
Hi everyone, My name is Ingrid and my husband and I are very happy to be Childfree by choice. It's a decision that wasn't difficult for me to make although there are times when I wish that I had wanted kids. It's as though I have been waiting for years for something to "click" and suddenly I would want them. Hasn't happened yet and I know that it never will. When my husband and I first met I made it perfectly clear to him that children were not in my plans and he is fully supportive of that. As I have watched my friends and family pop out kids left and right over the past few years I've been waiting to find a site like this where I can talk to people of the same mind and not feel like I have to justify my decision non stop. Anyway, nice to "meet" you all and I look forward to reading all of your stories!
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Post by preraph on Jan 12, 2008 12:57:37 GMT -5
Hi Reisi, sounds like you and your spouse are on the same page, which helps so much. So glad to have you here!
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pc1965
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by pc1965 on Jan 12, 2008 20:53:32 GMT -5
Ok... as promised here are the members of our family- Prada, Versace and Leonidas:
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Post by preraph on Jan 12, 2008 22:16:55 GMT -5
Oh, MY. Do they leave anyplace for YOU to sit? SO cute! And all in one picture together. Mine won't hold still that long. Are those Italian Greyhounds or Whippets?
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